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The money given to help poor countries does not solve the problem of poverty, so rich countries should give other types of help instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

The money given to help poor countries does not solve the problem of poverty, so rich countries should give other types of help instead. v. 1
Happiness in life is of utmost importance. It is considered by some that the predominant source of happiness is to possess excessive money. This essay will highlight how exorbitant amount of money possession lead to happiness and also other factors, which account for happiness. To begin with, through an excessive amount of money people can fulfil their daily expenses, attain desires and all other luxuries of life. This, in turn, makes them independent and not reliant on others for anything. That is to say, possessing an excessive amount of money would result in having no worries and difficulties in life regarding necessities and desires. Thus, they would spend a happy life. A recent report, for instance, has found that rich people are 50% happier than underprivileged individuals because they have the availability of almost all the amenities of life. In addition to money, strong family relationships and caring friends are also the sources of happiness. Firstly, a good understanding with family members is a great way of achieving happiness in life. If people are facing no problem with their parents and siblings, they would be mentally satisfied with their daily routine and hence would be happy. Secondly, caring friends can also be a source of happiness. This is because youngsters, especially spent most of their time with friends, therefore if they are feeling relaxed with them, it would result in receiving joyful moments. Research, for example, indicates that happy nature among Japanese teenagers is 40% due to their friends’ caring nature. In conclusion, it is believed by some individuals that the primary source of happiness is because of having much wealth. Although a huge amount of money is a predominant source of happiness as people can fulfil their every requirement of life, strong family relationships and friends who are having caring nature are also great sources of happiness.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Happiness
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is of utmost importance. It
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that the predominant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is to possess excessive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. This essay will highlight how exorbitant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
possession lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
and
also
other factors, which account for happiness.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, through an excessive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can fulfil their daily expenses, attain desires and all other luxuries of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. This, in turn,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them independent and not reliant on others for anything.
That is
to say, possessing an excessive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
would result in having no worries and difficulties in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
regarding necessities and desires.
Thus
, they would spend a happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. A recent report,
for instance
, has found that rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are 50% happier than underprivileged individuals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have the availability of almost all the amenities of life.

In addition
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, strong family relationships and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
caring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
are
also
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
Firstly
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
understanding with family members is a great way of achieving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are facing no problem with their parents and siblings, they would be mentally satisfied with their daily routine and
hence
would be happy.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
caring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
can
also
be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
youngsters,
especially
spent most of their time with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
,
therefore
if they are feeling relaxed with them, it would result in receiving joyful moments. Research,
for example
, indicates that happy nature among Japanese
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
is 40% due to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
caring
nature.

In conclusion
, it
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals that the primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of having much wealth. Although a huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is a predominant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can fulfil their every requirement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, strong family relationships and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
who are having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
caring
nature are
also
great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
A new language is a new life.
Persian Proverb

IELTS essay The money given to help poor countries does not solve the problem of poverty, so rich countries should give other types of help instead. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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