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You can get up-to-date news from the radio, TV and the Internet. Which kind of media do you think is the best to get the news? v.1

You can get up-to-date news from the radio, TV and the Internet. Which kind of media do you think is the best to get the news? v. 1
Advancements in technology are a boon to everyone, including school going kids and teenagers. Needless to say there are few pitfalls too. This essay narrates both the aspects of integral part of school lesson, the computer On the one hand, there are many advantages of computers, learning it and mastering it to develop softwares and web applications, takes a steep curve. To save, this time for swotting, and to be more productive in adulthood, to do a great job and business, it is a remarkable idea to learn it in school. If skipped in school and asked to learn on the job, then there can be negative effects such as delay in deliverables and possible loss of job. On school days there is less pressure from family and also no need to worry about monitory problems, because parent sponsor education, so one can learn with full dedication and master computers in school, to better utilise the expertise in job and business. On the other hand, too much access to the internet using computers will lead to getting attracted at social and hacking websites which will be detrimental to pupils. Also there is chance of loosing the idea of remembering the things in the brain, as they will try to store everything in computers. No sooner had they completed the work, then they stored on computer and forgot about it. This can weaken the memory and thinking ability. If teachers and parents supervise the students and kids, then there is less chance of getting lost into the entertainment part of the internet and computers. In conclusion, as discussed both the aspects of computers, careful supervision from adults will help pupils to control on their bad side effects of computers, Of course advantages are more rewarding to the progress of the human being.
Advancements in technology are a boon to everyone, including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
going kids and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
. Needless to say there are few pitfalls too. This essay narrates both the aspects of integral part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
lesson, the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
computer


On the one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages of computers, learning it and mastering it to develop
Possible spelling mistake found.
softwares
and web applications, takes a steep curve. To save, this time for swotting, and to be more productive in adulthood, to do a great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and business, it is a remarkable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to learn it in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. If skipped in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and asked to learn on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, then there can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects such as delay in deliverables and possible loss of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. On
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
days there is less pressure from family and
also
no need to worry about monitory problems,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
parent sponsor education,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
one can learn with full dedication and master computers in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, to better
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
the expertise in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and business.

On the other hand
, too much access to the internet using computers will lead to getting attracted at social and hacking websites which will be detrimental to pupils.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
there is chance of
Did you mean "losing the"?
loosing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of remembering the things in the brain, as they will try to store everything in computers. No sooner had they completed the work, then they stored on computer and forgot about it. This can weaken the memory and thinking ability. If teachers and parents supervise the students and kids, then there is less chance of getting lost into the entertainment part of the internet and computers.

In conclusion
, as discussed both the aspects of computers, careful supervision from adults will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
pupils to control on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
side effects of computers,
Of course
advantages are more rewarding to the progress of the human being.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay You can get up-to-date news from the radio, TV and the Internet. Which kind of media do you think is the best to get the news? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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