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The given pie charts show data on the population ages in Yemen and Italy in the year 2000 and also projected these portions of the population for the year 2050. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons wh v.1

The given pie charts show data on the population ages in Yemen and Italy in the year 2000 and also projected these portions of the population for the year 2050.
When a job is offered, it ought to be thought about different aspects. It is agreed that the salary most important essential to be considered. Firstly, choosing a job is not really important most people take some experiences from their daily tasks in the company. For instance, people try to be volunteers for free without any payments, but they gain more valuable things ever, during their experience and are acknowledged, be taught how to be confident on their own. Secondly, in worldwide people who do not care about the profit which can be earned for their work. Such kind of person just does the thing because of his or her desires and interests as well. Namely photographers are not paid for their work in the beginning, while this period the spend their time what is really necessary for them if they work hard and create more creativities on their background it will be estimated and valued by the special organizations. They cannot become well known very fast, they need time and space as well. Suddenly the star shines as bright as it can. But unfortunately not everyone is on the same level for instance, there are people they don’t have much time they just do the hard work and try to be some part of the company and organizations as well. They ought to work to earn money for the expenses in their daily life period. On the other hand, the amount of salary is really decisive because people buy everything with money, namely: food, water, rental apartment and all the necessities. Going for the company which provides you well paid salary, you can afford as much as you want. Benefits of well paid salary are better education for children, good living conditions, holidays abroad, such as travelling. In concluding, working without payment is not really affordable in the main part of a person's life, but its benefits as well to make their lifestyle more beautiful here I have preferred the person who is well paid because of the same demands in nowadays life period.
When a job
is offered
, it ought to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
aspects. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
essential to
be considered
.

Firstly
, choosing a job is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
experiences from their daily tasks in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
try to be volunteers for free without any payments,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they gain more valuable things ever, during their experience and
are acknowledged
,
be taught
how to be confident on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
Secondly
, in worldwide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who do not care about the profit which can
be earned
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. Such kind of person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
does the thing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
desires and interests as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Namely
photographers are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in the beginning, while this period the spend their time what is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
really
necessary for them if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and create more
Possible spelling mistake found.
creativities
on their background it will
be estimated
and valued by the special organizations. They cannot become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
known
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
, they need time and space as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
.
Suddenly
the star shines as bright as it can.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
unfortunately not everyone is on the same level
for instance
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
they don’t have much time they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
do the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and try to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
part of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and organizations as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
. They ought to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to earn money for the expenses in their daily life period.

On the other hand
, the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
really
decisive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
everything with money,
namely
: food, water, rental apartment and all the necessities. Going for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
which provides you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
, you can afford as much as you want. Benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
are better education for children,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
living conditions, holidays abroad, such as travelling.

In concluding, working without payment is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
really
affordable in the main part of a person's life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
its benefits as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their lifestyle more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
here I have preferred the person who is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the same demands
nowadays is used without 'in'. Use simply: "nowadays".
in nowadays
life period.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay The given pie charts show data on the population ages in Yemen and Italy in the year 2000 and also projected these portions of the population for the year 2050.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
345 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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