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Some people think that radio has become out-of-date, and there is no need to listen to the radio for entertainment and news. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people think that radio has become out-of-date, and there is no need to listen to the radio for entertainment and news. v. 2
With the rapid transformation of technologies, many adolescent prefer the latest high-tech devices, including smartphones and tablets to transmission. So as to acquire the daily needed information. Some advocate that the role of wireless is going to decline, while in my view, the significance of receiver is irreplaceable no matter how powerful other latest devices are. It is irrefutable that modern technological tools have several obvious benefits. The first consideration is that the internet can supply its surfers with videos whereas receiver only provides its listeners with sound. CNN and BBC websites, for instance, helps readers have vivid views about live events through their not only online articles but as well embedded clips. However, I believe that radio still has several features that other media can not be able to replace. The first merit is that wireless can reach a wider range of audiences, especially people who are in remote areas and mountainous regions. Consequently, radiotelegraph signals can be transferred in a long distance, including mobile signals due to its physical characteristics. Another plus point is that many elderly people tend to use wireless as a means of acquiring information and listening to music. In fact, many senior people find it hard to make use of modern equipment and thus, they are likely to stick to their old ways for entertainment and reading news via the usage of transmission. To summarize, radiotelegraph broadcasting has lots of benefits that can scarcely be found in other mass media channel, either electronic or print. The remarkable improvements in technology certainly will enable radio to perform more functions and become more widely available. There is no doubt to say that wireless broadcasting will continue to account for a very substantial segment of mass media market
With the rapid transformation of technologies,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
adolescent prefer the latest high-tech devices, including smartphones and tablets to transmission.
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
So as to
acquire the daily needed information.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
advocate that the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wireless
is going to decline, while in my view, the significance of receiver is irreplaceable no matter how powerful other latest devices are.

It is irrefutable that modern technological tools have several obvious benefits. The
first
consideration is that the internet can supply its surfers with videos whereas receiver
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
provides its listeners with sound. CNN and BBC websites,
for instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
readers have vivid views about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
through their not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
online articles
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
as well
embedded clips.

However
, I believe that radio
still
has several features that other media can not be able to replace. The
first
merit is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wireless
can reach a wider range of audiences,
especially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are in remote areas and mountainous regions.
Consequently
, radiotelegraph signals can
be transferred
in a long distance, including mobile signals due to its physical characteristics. Another plus point is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wireless
as a means of acquiring information and listening to music. In fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
senior
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
find it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of modern equipment and
thus
, they are likely to stick to their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
ways for entertainment and reading news via the usage of transmission.

To summarize
, radiotelegraph broadcasting has lots of benefits that can
scarcely
be found
in other mass media channel, either electronic or print. The remarkable improvements in technology
certainly
will enable radio to perform more functions and become more
widely
available. There is no doubt to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wireless
broadcasting will continue to account for a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
substantial segment of mass media
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
market
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
We should learn languages because language is the only thing worth knowing even poorly.
Kató Lomb

IELTS essay Some people think that radio has become out-of-date, and there is no need to listen to the radio for entertainment and news. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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