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You brought a Mobile Phone a week ago but when you got home you discovered it did not work property. you called customer service to report the problem but you have not received any help. Write a letter to a company and in your letter: - Introduce yourself- v.1

You brought a Mobile Phone a week ago but when you got home you discovered it did not work property. you called customer service to report the problem but you have not received any help. Write a letter to a company and in your letter: - Introduce yourself- v. 1
Presently the society lives in the uncertain world there every single day happen different situations, therefore people divided into two camps: while first’s give in under pressure difficulties, another’s attempt change and turn into something good their trouble. Hence, I think we should fight with bad circumstances, even then it seem impossible. Since people live in turbulent times, therefore trouble inevitable and it exhausted each day react to them. Therefore, many people accept and attempt to find something positive in a situation that they have. For example, if an unsatisfactory job there positive a lot of time wage, if cut salary somebody gets close with collaborators and make a sort of friendship. Moreover, some global circumstances push people to give in because in their city or even in all the country same problem. For instance, the financial crisis that happened around the world increased level unemployment and cut salary, therefore people did not change it even if it was a terrible job. However, some people become aware of the issues and in all effort try changing it. For example, if work completely not fit worker then they change profession by are finishing some courses or even a second university. Moreover, if trouble do not deadlier sick people eventually can figure out a solution. Therefore, society is better fight with bad circumstance than live with them and suffer because it could lead to even mental disease such as depression. To sum up, I believe all trouble we can solve eventually and live with it worthless, therefore is better in all effort change bad circumstances.
Presently
the society
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
in the uncertain world there every single day happen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
situations,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
divided into two camps: while
first
’s give in under pressure difficulties, another’s attempt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
and turn into something
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trouble
.
Hence
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
we should fight with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
circumstances, even then it
Did you mean "seems"?
seem
impossible.

Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in turbulent times,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trouble
inevitable and it exhausted each day react to them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
accept and attempt to find something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
in a situation that they have.
For example
, if an unsatisfactory job there
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time wage, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
salary somebody
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
close with collaborators and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a sort of friendship.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
global circumstances push
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to give in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in their city or even in all the country same problem.
For instance
, the financial crisis that happened around the world increased level unemployment and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
salary,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
did not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
it even if it was a terrible job.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become aware of the issues and in all effort try changing it.
For example
, if work completely not fit worker then they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
profession by are finishing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
courses or even a second university.
Moreover
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trouble
do not deadlier sick
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
eventually
can figure out a solution.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
, society is better fight with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
circumstance
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with them and suffer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it could lead to even mental disease such as depression.

To sum up, I believe all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trouble
we can solve
eventually
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with it worthless,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
therefore
is better in all effort
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
circumstances.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay You brought a Mobile Phone a week ago but when you got home you discovered it did not work property. you called customer service to report the problem but you have not received any help. Write a letter to a company and in your letter: - Introduce yourself- v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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