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You had recently bought a new laptop. It is giving you troubles. It is not working properly. You have called at the customer care centre but youare not satisfied with the solution offered by customer care executive. Write a letter to the store manager. In v.1

You had recently bought a new laptop. It is giving you troubles. It is not working properly. You have called at the customer care centre but youare not satisfied with the solution offered by customer care executive. Write a letter to the store manager. In v. 1
The advancement in today's technological society has caused the emergence of two types of thinking regarding the inclusion of subjects taught in schools. Some people believe that history is a valuable and essential subject while another group says that schools should focus more on subjects like Science and Technology. Based on my knowledge, some people argue that history is a necessary subject to be taught in schools. I believe one of the reasons could be that it teach students about the previous constitutions and foreign policies. In addition, it also helps to learn about past revolutions and hot the societies and mindsets were changed by leaders and scholars. For instance, students are taught about world wars and industrial revolution which could be beneficial for them in many ways. In contrast, some people hold the view that primary institutions should focus more on science and technology, hence students can be more competent in the modern world. From my perspective, the cause of such an argument is the fear that the children and the society will lack behind in technology as compared to the superpowers. These people think that indulging students in science activities at ground level could lead to the development of innovative and creative minds in the future. However, in my honest opinion, I believe that both the subjects have their own value and they play a vital role in developing creative minds and a prosperous society. For example, if a student learns about the modern weapons and technology, he must know the downsides of how it was poorly used in the past such as nuclear bomb in world war 2. Therefore, I suggest that both the subjects should be given equal attention. In conclusion, institutions must include history and science, but they should omit extra topics so that students can have more time to pursue scientific projects and tasks.
The advancement in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
has caused the emergence of two types of thinking regarding the inclusion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
taught in schools.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that history is a valuable and essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
while another group says that schools should focus more on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
and Technology.

Based on my knowledge,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that history is a necessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
to
be taught
in schools. I believe one of the reasons could be that it teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
about the previous constitutions and foreign policies.
In addition
, it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to learn about past revolutions and hot the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
and mindsets were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
by leaders and scholars.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are taught
about world wars and industrial revolution which could be beneficial for them in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways.

In contrast
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hold the view that primary institutions should focus more on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and technology,
hence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can be more competent in the modern world. From my perspective, the cause of such an argument is the fear that the children and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
will lack behind in technology as compared to the superpowers. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that indulging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
activities at ground level could lead to the development of innovative and creative minds in the future.

However
, in my honest opinion, I believe that both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
value and
they play a vital role in developing creative minds and a prosperous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
For example
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
learns about the modern weapons and technology, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
know the downsides of how it was
poorly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in the past such as nuclear bomb in
Capitalize specific historic events, episodes, and eras.
world war 2
.
Therefore
, I suggest that both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
equal attention.

In conclusion
, institutions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
include history and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they should omit extra topics
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can have more time to pursue scientific projects and tasks.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay You had recently bought a new laptop. It is giving you troubles. It is not working properly. You have called at the customer care centre but youare not satisfied with the solution offered by customer care executive. Write a letter to the store manager. In v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
310 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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