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adults do less exercise these days, some people say that showing events like Olympic and world cup on television encourage adults to exercise while others say that there are other ways to encourage adults to exercise. v.1

adults do less exercise these days, some people say that showing events like Olympic and world cup on television encourage adults to exercise while others say that there are other ways to encourage adults to exercise. v. 1
Nowadays, an increasing number of people are attracted to purchase products from large brands. There are some causes of this trend, and from my perspective, that development brings negative influences. Some reasons can explain why the number of people who have the willingness to buy items from famous brands is climbing. One of the possible causes is the high reputation of those trademarks, which has been confirmed by previous customers. The reputation of a brand is one of the key elements to choose an item among a wide range of same-category products because it can build immediate trust in the mind of purchasers, especially those who have not experienced with brand items. This explanation partly explains why so many people tend to choose famous brands. Moreover, the exclusivity of products of well-known trademarks could also have captivated customers. For instance, jack fruits are most delicious when their trees are planted and harvested in Vietnam due to the country’s particular climate, so foreign people often have the desire to buy jack fruits from only Vietnamese brands. I believe this phenomenon will potentially create detrimental effects. Firstly, local or smaller brands might meet difficulties with expanding or maintaining the businesses since the number of people buying products from those developing trademarks can decrease due to the trend. This can affect the market’s competitiveness between large and small trademarks, which might negatively influence the desire of bigger brands to continue to develop. Secondly, the existence of fake products that imitate large brands can potentially damage the market. Most items from big brands are costly, but fake goods usually charge for cheaper prices because of low-quality materials, but still keep the same appearance. Consequently, many unhealthy or unskilled customers might buy fake items, which can affect both the brand’s reputation and the purchaser’s comfort when using those things. In conclusion, there are several reasons to explain the existence of the trend that more and more people choose items from famous brands. Personally, this development is hazardous.
Nowadays, an increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are attracted
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
from large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brands
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
causes of this trend, and from my perspective, that development brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influences.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
reasons can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have the willingness to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brands
is climbing. One of the possible causes is the high reputation of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trademarks
, which has
been confirmed
by previous customers. The reputation of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brand
is one of the key elements to choose an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
item
among a wide range of same-category
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can build immediate trust in the mind of purchasers,
especially
those who have not experienced with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
. This explanation partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explains
why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to choose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brands
.
Moreover
, the exclusivity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
of well-known
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trademarks
could
also
have captivated customers.
For instance
, jack fruits are most delicious when their trees
are planted
and harvested in Vietnam due to the country’s particular climate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
have the desire to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
jack fruits from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Vietnamese brands.

I believe this phenomenon will
potentially
create detrimental effects.
Firstly
, local or smaller
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brands
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
difficulties with expanding or maintaining the businesses since the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
from those developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trademarks
can decrease due to the trend. This can affect the market’s competitiveness between large and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trademarks
, which might
negatively
influence the desire of bigger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brands
to continue to develop.
Secondly
, the existence of fake
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
that imitate large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brands
can
potentially
damage the market. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brands
are costly,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
fake
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
usually
charge for cheaper prices
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of low-quality materials,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the same appearance.
Consequently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
unhealthy or unskilled customers might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
fake
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
, which can affect both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brand’s
reputation and the purchaser’s comfort when using those things.

In conclusion
, there are several reasons to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the existence of the trend that more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brands
.
Personally
, this development is hazardous.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay adults do less exercise these days, some people say that showing events like Olympic and world cup on television encourage adults to exercise while others say that there are other ways to encourage adults to exercise. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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