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some people think that zoos are cruel and that zoo should be closed, some people think that zoos are useful for protecting rare animals. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

some people think that zoos are cruel and that zoo should be closed, some people think that zoos are useful for protecting rare animals. v. 1
Presently the society lives in the uncertain world there every single day happen different situations, thereby people divided into two camps: while first’s give in under pressure difficulties, another’s try their trouble turn into something good. Hence, I think we should fight with bad circumstances, even then it seem impossible. Since people live in turbulent times, as such trouble inevitable and society is exhausted each day reacting to them. Accordingly, many people accept and attempt to find something positive in a situation that they have. For example, if an unsatisfactory job there perhaps is a positive side high wage, if cut salary somebody gets close with collaborators and kind of like friends. Moreover, some global circumstances push people to give in because in their city or even in all the country same problem. For instance, the financial crisis that happened around the world increased level unemployment and cut salary, therefore people did not change even terrible job. However, some people become aware of the issues and in all effort try changing it. For example, if work completely not fit worker then they change profession by are finishing some courses or even a second university. Besides, if trouble is not fatal disease people eventually can figure out a solution. Therefore, society is better fight with bad circumstance than live with them and suffer because it could lead to even mental disease such as depression. To conclude, I believe all trouble eventually we can solve and live with it worthless, therefore is better in the all efforts change bad circumstances.
Presently
the society
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
in the uncertain world there every single day happen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
situations, thereby
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
divided into two camps: while
first
’s give in under pressure difficulties, another’s try their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trouble
turn into something
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.
Hence
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
we should fight with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
circumstances, even then it
Did you mean "seems"?
seem
impossible.

Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in turbulent times, as such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trouble
inevitable and society
is exhausted
each day reacting to them.
Accordingly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
accept and attempt to find something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
in a situation that they have.
For example
, if an unsatisfactory job there perhaps is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side high wage, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
salary somebody
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
close with collaborators and kind of like friends.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
global circumstances push
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to give in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in their city or even in all the country same problem.
For instance
, the financial crisis that happened around the world increased level unemployment and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
salary,
therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
even terrible job.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become aware of the issues and in all effort try changing it.
For example
, if work completely not fit worker then they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
profession by are finishing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
courses or even a second university.
Besides
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trouble
is not fatal disease
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
eventually
can figure out a solution.
Therefore
, society is better fight with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
circumstance
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with them and suffer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it could lead to even mental disease such as depression.

To conclude
, I believe all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trouble
eventually
we can solve and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with it worthless,
therefore
is better in the all efforts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
circumstances.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
A man who knows two languages is worth two men.
French Proverb

IELTS essay some people think that zoos are cruel and that zoo should be closed, some people think that zoos are useful for protecting rare animals. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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