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You are writing to your friend who lives in another country. You are inviting him/her to stay with you. There is a public event occurring that you would like him/her to go to with you. In your letter say- Why and when do you invite him/her? - Describe the v.1

You are writing to your friend who lives in another country. You are inviting him/her to stay with you. There is a public event occurring that you would like him/her to go to with you. In your letter say- Why and when do you invite him/her? - Describe the v. 1
Recently, the budget allocation in a country has become, quite challenging for governments as people argue that there should more money allocation for education than sports and other leisure activities. I agree with this statement and this essay is going to discuss the benefits of education over the sports. To begin with, education is an important aspect to boost the economy of a country. This is because education assists to increase the employment rate in a country and there is a lot of skilled employment available for qualified people throughout the world. However, to have many skilled people, government should provide quality and affordable education. For example, according to a report in a weekly magazine in America during August 2015, America has very less unemployment rate because the USA government provides best quality education on minimal rates. What’s more, education also includes sports subjects which motivate students for extracurricular activities. Therefore, governments should concentrate on education because education has far better importance than recreation and sports. Furthermore, if a society has more social values' knowledge, the crime rate would be reduced. Due to fact that education creates a positive mentality among people. For instance, as per the BBC report telecasted on January 2015, Nigeria has a crime rate, which is 20 times higher than the USA. Thus, it is the responsibility of the governments to ensure that their citizens are well educated by providing them adequate infrastructure and other education facilities. In addition to this, governments, even can make the secondary education free and mandatory so that it can allure more people to study. Although, sports and other recreational activities can improve health levels, what are the other benefits they can bring if people are living in poverty and engaging in crimes. To conclude, by analysing how allocation of money for education can increase employment rate and safe place to live, it is compulsory for governments give importance to sports and other activities but not at the cost of education.
Recently, the budget allocation in a country has become, quite challenging for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that there should more money allocation for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement and this essay is going to discuss the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
over the sports.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspect to boost the economy of a country. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
assists to increase the employment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
in a country and there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
skilled employment available for qualified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
throughout the world.
However
, to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
skilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should provide quality and affordable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
For example
, according to a report in a weekly magazine in America during August 2015, America has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
less unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the USA
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
A determiner is probably missing here: "provides the best".
provides best
quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
on minimal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
. What’s more,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
also
includes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
subjects which motivate students for extracurricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should concentrate on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
has far better importance than recreation and sports.

Furthermore
, if a society has more social values' knowledge, the crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
. Due to fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
creates a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
mentality among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
, as per the BBC report
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "telecast", the past tense form of the verb 'telecast'?
telecasted
on January 2015, Nigeria has a crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
, which is 20 times higher than the USA.
Thus
, it is the responsibility of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
to ensure that their citizens are
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well educated
by providing them adequate infrastructure and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
facilities.
In addition
to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
, even can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
free and mandatory
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it can allure more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to study. Although,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
recreational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
health levels, what are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
benefits they can bring if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are living in poverty and engaging in crimes.

To conclude
, by
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
how allocation of money for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
can increase employment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
and safe place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
, it is compulsory for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
give importance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not at the cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay You are writing to your friend who lives in another country. You are inviting him/her to stay with you. There is a public event occurring that you would like him/her to go to with you. In your letter say- Why and when do you invite him/her? - Describe the v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
330 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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