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TPO 48 - Question 6Using the points and examples from the lecture, explain two ways that advertising can negatively affect the environment v.1

TPO 48 - Question 6Using the points and examples from the lecture, explain two ways that advertising can negatively affect the environment v. 1
In today’s world, poverty is one of the main issues as it is spreading across the world, right from the highly developed New York city to the less trendy Mumbai. Help is readily available to eradicate this issue. But a disagreement prevails regarding the direct support that can be given to the down-trodden or the donations must be made via charity. This essay will discuss both the views before giving my final verdict on this view. Fund-raising committees are preferred by few people as help can be sought immediately due to absence of paperwork. Further the charitable organization has a clear idea of the people’s requirements and provides support to them based on the needs. For example, it is believed that people below the poverty line have less acumen to manage finances, as they have not experienced the usage of basic material needs. Hence direct support provided to such people for starting business may result in bankruptcy. In such cases, charities can dispense accurate funds in a better manner. Apart from this problem, the trusts cater to a wide range of global issues like wildlife conservation, infrastructure maintenance. Hence, many people provide the financial help via the help organization as they demonstrate their distinct role in refining the standards of the needy people. However, few people advocate that the fund-raising committees are corrupted, as they use the funds raised for their own needs and for marketing campaigns. Moreover, they do not provide the donors the clearest view of how the donations made were utilized. Hence, helping the poor people directly will give a sense of satisfaction and we can be sure of how the money is being used. Further, face-to-face conversation with the victims can help us to understand their needs in a better way. In my opinion, not all social service committees are corrupted. So, the donors should identify the appropriate avenue and make donations via them. Some of the international programs like UNICEF and WHO is helping the needy people across the world. To conclude, I would like to state that offering money to the charities is preferable way to terminate poverty.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world, poverty is one of the main issues as it is spreading across the world, right from the
highly
developed
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
New York city
to the less trendy Mumbai.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Help
is
readily
available to eradicate this issue.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
a disagreement prevails regarding the direct support that can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to the down-trodden or the donations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be made
via charity. This essay will discuss both the views
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
giving my final verdict on this view.

Fund-raising committees
are preferred
by few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
can
be sought
immediately due to absence of paperwork.
Further
the charitable organization has a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
requirements and provides support to them based on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
.
For example
, it
is believed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
below the poverty line have less acumen to manage finances, as they have not experienced the usage of basic material
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
direct support provided to such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for starting business may result in bankruptcy. In such cases, charities can dispense accurate funds in a better manner. Apart from this problem, the trusts cater to a wide range of global issues like wildlife conservation, infrastructure maintenance.
Hence
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
provide the financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
via the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
organization as they demonstrate their distinct role in refining the standards of the needy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

However
, few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
advocate that the fund-raising committees
are corrupted
, as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the funds raised for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
and for marketing campaigns.
Moreover
, they do not provide the donors the clearest view of how the donations made
were utilized
.
Hence
, helping the poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
directly
will give a sense of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
satisfaction and
we can be sure of how the money is being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
.
Further
, face-to-face conversation with the victims can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
us to understand their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
in a better way.

In my opinion, not all social service committees
are corrupted
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the donors should identify the appropriate avenue and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
donations via them.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
international programs like UNICEF and WHO is helping the needy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
across the world.

To conclude
, I would like to state that offering money to the charities is
Please check whether an article is missing: "a preferable".
preferable
way to terminate poverty.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is wine upon the lips. – Virginia WoolfInspirational quotes for language learners
Virginia Woolf

IELTS essay TPO 48 - Question 6Using the points and examples from the lecture, explain two ways that advertising can negatively affect the environment v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
354 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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