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You are starting your own business. What is the most important thing you should do that will help your business to succeed? Give reasons and examples to support your response v.1

You are starting your own business. What is the most important thing you should do that will help your business to succeed? Give reasons and examples to support your response v. 1
It is a fact that nuclear strength can produce more power than other power sources to meet the world's stamina requirements. From my perspective, although it has been acknowledged as one of the most important vital sources, which can match the increasing energy demands, renewable resources such as the Sun might be a better option. To begin with, why I believe that nuclear is a good choice, the amount of power that is brought out from a nuclear plant is magnificently more than other alternatives, such as water dams. What I mean by this is that the stamina arising from a nuclear plant is approximately ten times stronger than an average dam can produce. To further clarify this with an instance, I can state that Turkey has over 70 dams, yet these are merely as powerful as seven nuclear plants; moreover, construction of seven nuclear plants could cost cheaper in the country. Therefore, nuclear energy would be a better choice than dams when it is considered from financial and power perspectives. Moving onto the reason why I claim the Sun is possibly a better option than nuclear, it is a renewable energy source, which is not only harmless but also endless and more powerful. In other words, the energy is offered by the star is better than any other alternatives. To illustrate, the amount of sun light that touches on the earth's surface for a minute is adequate to meet the whole world's two years of energy need. Therefore, as soon as technological advancements can benefit from the Sun more effectively, humankind will not need another source anymore. All in all, taking the aforementioned points into account, it can be concluded that although nuclear is a better option than available alternatives, the Sun will be able to provide the best energy source in near future.
It is a fact that nuclear strength can produce more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the world's stamina requirements. From my perspective, although it has
been acknowledged
as one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
, which can match the increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
demands, renewable resources such as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sun
might be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
option.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, why I believe that nuclear is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
choice, the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
that
is brought
out from a nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plant
is
magnificently
more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
alternatives, such as water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dams
. What I mean by this is that the stamina arising from a nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plant
is approximately ten times stronger than an average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dam
can produce. To
further
clarify this with an instance, I can state that Turkey has over 70
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dams
,
yet
these are
merely
as powerful as seven nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plants
;
moreover
, construction of seven nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plants
could cost cheaper in the country.
Therefore
, nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
would be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
choice than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dams
when it
is considered
from financial and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
perspectives.

Moving onto the reason why I claim the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sun
is
possibly
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
option than nuclear, it is a renewable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
, which is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
harmless
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
endless and more powerful. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
is offered
by the star is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
alternatives. To illustrate, the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sun
light that touches on the earth's surface for a minute is adequate to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the whole world's two years of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
need.
Therefore
, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as technological advancements can benefit from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sun
more
effectively
, humankind will not need another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
anymore.

All in all, taking the aforementioned points into account, it can
be concluded
that although nuclear is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
option than available alternatives, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sun
will be able to provide the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
in near future.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay You are starting your own business. What is the most important thing you should do that will help your business to succeed? Give reasons and examples to support your response v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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