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Describe an important thing that you learned from your parents in your childhood. Explain why this thing is important to you. Include reasons and details in your response. v.1

Describe an important thing that you learned from your parents in your childhood. Explain why this thing is important to you. Include reasons and details in your response. v. 1
In recent years, selecting organizations for jobs has become a critical decision. Some believe that working in the same company throughout is better, others believe in working with multiple companies is more beneficial. In this essay, I will discuss both the sides of the topic and propose my opinion. To start with, being in same organization gives an opportunity to have a good rapport and knowledge of end- to end process. This is due to the fact that the employee has a prospect of becoming a subject matter expert and help in training of new joiners. For example, 80 percent of employees who have experience of more than 10 years in a topic, tend to become experts in their companies. Additionally, the person also becomes beneficial for long term plans of the employer, such as, retirement plans, gratuity, health insurance etc. Thus, being in a single organisation throughout can give more stability in one’s life. On the contrary, changing jobs will lead to monetary benefits. For instance, when a person joins a new company gets a hike of 25% on an average in salary. Furthermore, employee tends to get better of information and technology with the new organization. Also, to add on people might have better future prospect with adding new job profile to their resume. As a result, being in multiple organizations is becoming more common among youngsters. To conclude, having considered both the views, single job will lead to being an expert and long term benefits, however job switch leading to money and personal growth has become more important nowadays. So, as both the kind of jobs has pros and cons, I agree with the latter opinion.
In recent years, selecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a critical decision.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe that working in the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
throughout is better, others believe in working with multiple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
is more beneficial. In this essay, I will discuss both the sides of the topic and propose my opinion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, being in same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
gives an opportunity to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
rapport and knowledge of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
- to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
process.
This is due to the fact that
the employee has a prospect of becoming a
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "subject".
subject matter
expert and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in training of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
joiners.
For example
, 80 percent of employees who have experience of more than 10 years in a topic, tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
experts in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
.
Additionally
, the person
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
becomes
beneficial for long term plans of the employer, such as, retirement plans, gratuity, health insurance etc.
Thus
, being in a single
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organisation' and 'organization') within a single text.
organisation
throughout can give more stability in one’s life.

On the contrary
, changing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
will lead to monetary benefits.
For instance
, when a person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joins
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
a hike of 25% on an average in salary.
Furthermore
, employee tends to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better of information and technology with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
.
Also
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
might have better future prospect with adding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
profile to their resume.
As a result
, being in multiple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
is becoming more common among youngsters.

To conclude
, having considered both the views, single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
will lead to being an expert and long term benefits,
however
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
switch leading to money and personal growth has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
nowadays.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, as both the kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
has pros and cons, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter opinion.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Describe an important thing that you learned from your parents in your childhood. Explain why this thing is important to you. Include reasons and details in your response. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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