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You are part of a group of musicians who meet on Tuesday and Friday evenings to practise in the community hall. You have been told, however, that it is no longer possible for the group to use the hall. Write a letter to the manager. In the letter: describe what the group does explain why the group is good for the community suggest alternative days and times for practice v.1

You are part of a group of musicians who meet on Tuesday and Friday evenings to practise in the community hall. You have been told, however, that it is no longer possible for the group to use the hall. Write a letter to the manager. In the letter: describe what the group does explain why the group is good for the community suggest alternative days and times for practice v. 1
DEAR MANAGER, I AM A MEMBER OF NIGHTLIFE MUSICIAN BAND THAT PRACTISE AND ORGANISE A CONCERT IN THE WHITEFIELD COMMUNITY HALL EVERY FRIDAY AND TUESDAY EVENINGS. I AM WRITING THIS TO MAKE SOME ARRANGEMENT FOR THE PRACTISE TIME ON SOME OTHER DAYS A WE INFORMED THAT FROM NOW ONWARDS WE ARE UNABLE TO USE THE HALL DUE TO SOME EMERGENCY CONSTRUCTION WORKS. I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW THAT OUR BAND USED TO PERFORM A LIVE DANCE WITH NEW FOLK SONGS TO DELIVER A GOOD MESSAGE TO THE CIVILIAN ABOUT HUMANITY THAT IS LOST IN THE WORLD NOW. MOREOVER, THE MEMBERS OF THIS GROUP STUDY FULL TIME DURING WEEKDAYS AND WORK PART-TIME ON WEEKENDS THUS, THEY DO NOT HAVE APPROPRIATE TIME TO COME FOR THE PRACTISE ON THE WEEKENDS. ALSO, WHATEVER THE AMOUNT WE EARN THROUH THIS CONCERT, GOES TO THE COMMUNITY IMPROVEMENT DEPARTMENT FOR FUTURE RENOVATION OR TO HELP NEEDY INDIVIDUALS SUCH AS IMPOVERISHED CIVILIAN OR HOMELESS FOLKS. THEREFORE, WE WOULD LIKE TO GIVE SOME SUGGESTION FOR THE OPENING HORS OF THE HALL FOR THE PRACTICE. AS I MENTION EARLIER, WE USED TO HAVE A COLLEGE ON THE WEEKDAYS. HOWEVER, WE HAVE SUFFICIENT FREE TIME ON MONDAY AND WEDNESDAY AFTERNOONS FROM 3 PM TO 6 PM AFTERWARDS OUR CLASSES WOULD BE STARTED. OWNING TO THE FACT THAT CLASSES ARE BEING HELD IN THE EVENINGS AND MORNINGS ON THOSE DAYS. HENCE, IF POSSIBLE, CAN WE COME FOR THE PRACTISE ON SUGGESTED DAYS? I HOPE YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND AND CONSIDER OUR SUGGESTION SERIOUSLY. LOOKING FORWARD TO hearing A POSITIVE RESPONSE FROM YOU AT THE EARLIEST. YOUR FAITHFULLY, SEFALI
DEAR MANAGER,

I AM A MEMBER OF NIGHTLIFE MUSICIAN BAND THAT
Possible spelling mistake. 'PRACTISE' is British English.
PRACTISE
AND
Possible spelling mistake. 'ORGANISE' is British English.
ORGANISE
A CONCERT IN THE WHITEFIELD COMMUNITY HALL EVERY FRIDAY AND TUESDAY EVENINGS. I AM WRITING THIS TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
MAKE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
ARRANGEMENT FOR THE
Possible spelling mistake. 'PRACTISE' is British English.
PRACTISE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
TIME
ON
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
OTHER DAYS
Possible typo. Did you mean "A" or "WE"?
A WE
INFORMED THAT FROM
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
NOW
ONWARDS WE ARE UNABLE TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
USE
THE HALL DUE TO
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
EMERGENCY CONSTRUCTION WORKS.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
WOULD LIKE TO KNOW THAT OUR BAND
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
USED
TO PERFORM A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
LIVE
DANCE WITH NEW FOLK SONGS TO DELIVER A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GOOD
MESSAGE TO THE CIVILIAN ABOUT HUMANITY THAT
IS LOST
IN THE WORLD
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
NOW
.

MOREOVER
, THE MEMBERS OF THIS GROUP STUDY FULL
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
TIME
DURING WEEKDAYS AND WORK PART-TIME ON WEEKENDS
THUS
, THEY DO NOT HAVE APPROPRIATE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
TIME
TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
COME
FOR THE
Possible spelling mistake. 'PRACTISE' is British English.
PRACTISE
ON THE WEEKENDS.
ALSO
, WHATEVER THE AMOUNT WE EARN
Possible spelling mistake found.
THROUH
THIS CONCERT, GOES TO THE COMMUNITY IMPROVEMENT DEPARTMENT FOR FUTURE RENOVATION OR TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
HELP
NEEDY INDIVIDUALS SUCH AS IMPOVERISHED CIVILIAN OR HOMELESS FOLKS.

THEREFORE
, WE WOULD LIKE TO GIVE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
SUGGESTION FOR THE OPENING
Possible spelling mistake found.
HORS
OF THE HALL FOR THE PRACTICE. AS I MENTION EARLIER, WE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
USED
TO HAVE A COLLEGE ON THE WEEKDAYS.
HOWEVER
, WE HAVE SUFFICIENT FREE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
TIME
ON MONDAY AND WEDNESDAY AFTERNOONS FROM 3 PM TO 6 PM AFTERWARDS OUR CLASSES WOULD BE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
STARTED
. OWNING TO THE FACT THAT CLASSES ARE
BEING HELD
IN THE EVENINGS AND MORNINGS ON THOSE DAYS.
HENCE
, IF POSSIBLE, CAN WE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
COME
FOR THE
Possible spelling mistake. 'PRACTISE' is British English.
PRACTISE
ON SUGGESTED DAYS?

I HOPE YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND AND CONSIDER OUR SUGGESTION
SERIOUSLY
. LOOKING FORWARD TO hearing A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
POSITIVE
RESPONSE FROM YOU AT THE EARLIEST.

Did you mean "Yours"? (complimentary close)
YOUR
FAITHFULLY
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
SEFALI
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes

IELTS essay You are part of a group of musicians who meet on Tuesday and Friday evenings to practise in the community hall. You have been told, however, that it is no longer possible for the group to use the hall. Write a letter to the manager. In the letter: describe what the group does explain why the group is good for the community suggest alternative days and times for practice v. 1

Essay
  American English
8 paragraphs
265 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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