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Some people say that computer skills should be added to primary subjects in elementary school such as reading, writing and math. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.1

Some people say that computer skills should be added to primary subjects in elementary school such as reading, writing and math. v. 1
It is argued nowadays that computer skills should be taught in elementary schools together with primary skills, such as reading or math. This issue has its own pros and cons, and before supporting or refuting this statement, it is worth considering this phenomenon from both sides. Primarily, those people who find it necessary for school children to have computer skills as a school subject may have the following reasons. First of all, hardly anyone would deny that the world today is ruled by technology, and it is vital that children understand the workings of computers as early in life as possible, and school could be a perfect place for this. Moreover, such computer skills subject could teach a child to use computer technology constructively by taking advantage of abundant Internet resources for self-study and obtaining academically enriching information. However, there is an opinion that computer skills should not be included in school curricula. Thus, such subject would not benefit children because they spend plenty of time with technology beyond school and usually successfully master computer skills on their own without any help of teachers or parents. The opponents of computer skills classes also claim that instead of wasting time on learning these skills it would be reasonable to introduce more vital subjects, such as learning foreign languages or history. To conclude, I support the opinion of people who are against teaching computer skills in school as contemporary school children acquire these skills independently and naturally. Therefore, school education decision-makers should rather put more emphasis on academic subjects than on developing technical skills among youngsters who may already be generally proficient computer users.
It
is argued
nowadays that computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
should
be taught
in elementary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
together with primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, such as reading or math. This issue has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
pros and cons, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
supporting or refuting this statement, it is worth considering this phenomenon from both sides.

Primarily
, those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who find it necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to have computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
may have the following reasons.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, hardly anyone would deny that the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
is ruled
by technology, and it is vital that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
understand the workings of computers as early in life as possible, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
could be a perfect place for this.
Moreover
, such computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
could teach a child to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
computer technology
constructively
by taking advantage of abundant Internet resources for self-study and obtaining
academically
enriching information.

However
, there is an opinion that computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
should not
be included
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curricula.
Thus
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
would not benefit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of time with technology beyond
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and
usually
successfully
master computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
without any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of teachers or parents. The opponents of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
classes
also
claim that
instead
of wasting time on learning these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
it would be reasonable to introduce more vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, such as learning foreign languages or history.

To conclude
, I support the opinion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are against teaching computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
as contemporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
acquire these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
independently
and
naturally
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
education decision-makers should
rather
put more emphasis on academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
than on developing technical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
among youngsters who may already be
generally
proficient computer users.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that computer skills should be added to primary subjects in elementary school such as reading, writing and math. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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