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You are part of a group of musicians who meet on Tuesday and Friday evenings to practise in the community hall You have been told however that it is no longer possible for the group to use the hall Write a letter to the manager In the letter describe what v.1

You are part of a group of musicians who meet on Tuesday and Friday evenings to practise in the community hall You have been told however that it is no longer possible for the group to use the hall Write a letter to the manager In the letter describe what v. 1
Young children must be taught to differentiate between right and wrong behaviour by punishing them if they misbehave. I disagree that children should be punished physically as this is detrimental to their personal development. However, there are gentle and effective methods that can be used to discourage children from bad behaviour. Corporal punishment is cruel and abusive to children and has severe consequences. Firstly, many children become isolated, depressed, anxious, and lack confidence due to terror. As a consequence, this can stop them from living their lives to the fullest and expressing themselves freely since they are afraid of misbehaving, thus, robbing children of many joys. Secondly, this method teaches them that misbehaving is only punished by striking and this can encourage them to be more aggressive as adults. For instance, they can start bullying their peers at school and there are high chances that they will be hostile parents who hit their children because this is what they have learned from their parents. There are multiple healthy methods to dissuade children from bad behaviour. Adults can inform children that they have misbehaved and stop speaking to them for a while until the child properly apologizes. Since children naturally want to please their parents and teachers, they will realize their mistake and try not to repeat it. Another method is banning children from playing outside or prohibiting them from using their favourite toys. As a result, children will start feeling helpless and will realize that their parents are the authority figures who must be respected. For example, this can be a beneficial method to teach stubborn children. In conclusion, not talking to children or forbidding them from doing things that they like are better methods to teach children morals than corporal punishment, which negatively impacts them.
Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taught
to differentiate between right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
by punishing them if they misbehave. I disagree that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be punished
physically
as this is detrimental to their personal development.
However
, there are gentle and effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
that can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to discourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.

Corporal punishment is cruel and abusive to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and has severe consequences.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
become isolated, depressed, anxious, and lack confidence due to terror. As a consequence, this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
them from living their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
to the fullest and expressing themselves
freely
since they are afraid of misbehaving,
thus
, robbing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
joys.
Secondly
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
method
teaches them that misbehaving is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
punished by striking and this can encourage them to be more aggressive as adults.
For instance
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
bullying their peers at school and there are high chances that they will be hostile parents who hit their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this is what they have learned from their parents.

There are multiple healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
to dissuade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. Adults can inform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
that they have misbehaved and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
speaking to them for a while until the child
properly
apologizes. Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
naturally
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
their parents and teachers, they will realize their mistake and try not to repeat it. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
method
is banning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from playing outside or prohibiting them from using their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
toys.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
feeling helpless and will realize that their parents are the authority figures who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be respected
.
For example
, this can be a beneficial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
method
to teach stubborn children.

In conclusion
, not talking to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
or forbidding them from doing things that they like are better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
to teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
morals than corporal punishment, which
negatively
impacts them.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay You are part of a group of musicians who meet on Tuesday and Friday evenings to practise in the community hall You have been told however that it is no longer possible for the group to use the hall Write a letter to the manager In the letter describe what v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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