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You are part of a group of musicians who meet on Tuesday and Friday evenings to practice in the community hall. You have been told, however, that it is no longer possible for the group to use the hall. Write a letter to the manager. In the letter: •describ v.1

You are part of a group of musicians who meet on Tuesday and Friday evenings to practice in the community hall. You have been told, however, that it is no longer possible for the group to use the hall. Write a letter to the manager. In the letter: •describ v. 1
The internet has become the main source to get detailed acquaintance because of advancement in the technology. But this might have severe effects on the mental health and finance related issues may arise. The detailed reasons of its side-effects will be discussed in following paragraphs. Firstly, due to the advancement in the technics, a variety of devices has come into the market that provide the access to the web. For example, every person can deep dive into the news of the nation and the world with the help of online newspapers and social media channels in the form of content, audio and video. This is not enough, plenty of information is available over the world-wide-web for students as well as professionals through online tutorials, research papers, et Cetra. As a result, online websites act as a key to success for every individual to obtain data according to their need. However, the coin has two sides. In spite of the various advantages of using online data in order to utilize information, there are some severe and adverse effects of accessing online data. For example, there has been a significant rise in online pornographic websites which can manipulate the mind of children, that ultimately can provoke them to be spoiled. Moreover, almost every individual accesses the online tools to store his personal photos, important document, at the same time, dramatic rise has been found in cyber attacks whose aim is to steal people's personal data like credit card numbers and pins. Consequently, online availability of data has given birth to several problems. To put it in a nutshell, the utilization of online information is good as long as people will use this in limits. They should avoid themselves to be entirely dependent on the web to get knowledge as a variety of books can be obtained from public and academic libraries to quench the thirst.
The internet has become the main source to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
detailed acquaintance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of advancement in the technology.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
this might have severe effects on the mental health and finance related issues may arise. The detailed reasons of its
Did you mean "side effects" (=adverse effect, unintended consequence)? Open compounds are not hyphenated.
side-effects
will
be discussed
in following paragraphs.

Firstly
, due to the advancement in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
technics
, a variety of devices has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
into the market that provide the access to the web.
For example
, every person can deep dive into the news of the nation and the world with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
newspapers and social media channels in the form of content, audio and video. This is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of information is available over the world-wide-web for students
as well
as professionals through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
tutorials, research papers,
Possible spelling mistake found.
et
Possible spelling mistake found.
Cetra
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
websites act as a key to success for every individual to obtain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
according to their need.

However
, the coin has two sides.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
the various advantages of using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
in order to utilize information, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
severe and adverse effects of accessing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
.
For example
, there has been a significant rise in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
pornographic websites which can manipulate the mind of children, that
ultimately
can provoke them to
be spoiled
.
Moreover
, almost every individual accesses the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
tools to store his personal photos,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
document, at the same time, dramatic rise has
been found
in
This word is normally spelled as one.
cyber attacks
whose aim is to steal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
like credit card numbers and pins.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
availability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
birth to several problems.

To put it in a nutshell, the utilization of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
information is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
as long as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this in limits. They should avoid themselves to be
entirely
dependent on the web to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
knowledge as a variety of books can
be obtained
from public and academic libraries to quench the thirst.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay You are part of a group of musicians who meet on Tuesday and Friday evenings to practice in the community hall. You have been told, however, that it is no longer possible for the group to use the hall. Write a letter to the manager. In the letter: •describ v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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