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Writing task 2 an essay Internet contains a lot of information however sometimes this information is inaccurate or wrong Do you agree or disagree with this statement v.1

Writing task 2 an essay Internet contains a lot of information however sometimes this information is inaccurate or wrong v. 1
It is undeniably true that, government must use the state money in the best possible way. Some people are of the opinion that, spending this money on the arts is of no use and there are other domains where it could be properly utilized. I, however, do not agree with this point of view and following are some of the reasons to believe so. Firstly, I think that, art is a powerful way of conveying one's message to the world. For example, if countries promote artists to arrange art exhibitions depicting the exhibits of peace and especially inviting international guests to attend them, they can spread the much needed word of humanity around the globe. This quality of art can be exploited to deliver the message of peace, which is a dire need of today's world which is at the verge of World War III. Furthermore, this is a much safer way to express this viewpoint because there are far less chances of people getting offended by art work as compared to the speeches delivered publicly on this topic. Secondly, in the total chaotic and competitive life these days, art provides a golden opportunity for people to pursue a different field and thus help the society to develop. For instance, it is not possible for every individual to be a master in medicine, engineering and accounting. These fields are, unfortunately, considered to be the only charm and token of success, worldwide. And countries believe that they would only prosper if they produce more number of experts in these subjects. However, this is not true since, artists in the form of authors, poets, painters, musicians and fashion designers possess the abilities and guts to help their countries to succeed too. Therefore, it is the due right of artists, to be provided with enough facilities by the state to learn and promote their work. To sum up, there is no doubt that a country is considered prosperous with more doctors, engineers and managing officers, but artists have a significant role in the development of their society too. They have both the power and chance of bringing peace to the world, by displaying and spreading their ideas by using various modalities. Thus, I do not find spending money on arts a wastage of resources.
It is
undeniably
true that,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the state money in the best possible way.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are of the opinion that, spending this money on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is of no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
and there are other domains where it could be
properly
utilized. I,
however
, do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this point of view and following are
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
reasons to believe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.

Firstly
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is a powerful way of conveying one's message to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
For example
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
to arrange
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
exhibitions depicting the exhibits of peace and
especially
inviting international guests to attend them, they can spread the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
much needed
word of humanity around the globe. This quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
can
be exploited
to deliver the message of peace, which is a dire need of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
which is at the verge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
World
War III.
Furthermore
, this is a much safer way to express this viewpoint
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are far
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun chances is countable.
less
chances of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
getting offended by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
work as compared to the speeches delivered
publicly
on this topic.

Secondly
, in the total chaotic and competitive life these days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
provides a golden opportunity for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to pursue a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
field and
thus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the society to develop.
For instance
, it is not possible for every individual to be a master in medicine, engineering and accounting. These fields are, unfortunately, considered to be the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
charm and token of success, worldwide. And
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
believe that they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
prosper if they produce more number of experts in these subjects.
However
, this is not true since,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
in the form of authors, poets, painters, musicians and fashion designers possess the abilities and guts to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to succeed too.
Therefore
, it is the due right of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
, to
be provided
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
facilities by the state to learn and promote their work.

To sum up, there is no doubt that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is considered
prosperous with more doctors, engineers and managing officers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
have a significant role in the development of their society too. They have both the power and chance of bringing peace to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, by displaying and spreading their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
by using various modalities.
Thus
, I do not find spending money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
a wastage of resources.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Writing task 2 an essay Internet contains a lot of information however sometimes this information is inaccurate or wrong v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
381 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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