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You are looking for summer job. Write a letter to an employer. -introduce yourself-explain what type of job you like-explain your previous experiences and related skillsYou should write at least 150 words. v.1

You are looking for summer job. Write a letter to an employer. -introduce yourself-explain what type of job you like-explain your previous experiences and related skills v. 1
Many criminals re offends more after they suffer the initial sentence. The reasons behind this unpleasant event and also the measures that can be taken to solve it will be the topics in this essay. The main problem that leads offender to redo crimes after they are released from jail is that the trial did not give the programmed effect. Being for a long time in jail increase the possibility of being in contact and company with other criminals who might encourage the prisoners to do the same crime after they get out of it. As a result of these factors a criminal is potential danger after the first punishment for the society. For example, according to a detailed report from the Directorate of Prisons in USA, has shown that about 70 % of criminals have repeated the same crime after being released as they were not able to reintegrate into society and to control themselves. An effective method to solve and moreover to prevent this disturbing problem is to implement alternative ways of punishment. For a faster reintegration into society, to convert the jail sentence with long hours of community work is considered the best solution. Denmark is the prime example of how the exchange of the retribution to the unpaid and obligated work in the community has led to a decrease with 50 percent of recidivist crimes. To conclude, using the unpaid work in the community instead of harsh retribution it is seen as an effective way to deal with this issue. If the Government implement this solution, the number of criminals who commit the same crime after the first sentence will be decreased drastically.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
re offends more after they suffer the initial sentence. The reasons behind this unpleasant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
and
also
the measures that can
be taken
to solve it will be the topics in this essay.

The main problem that leads offender to redo
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
after they
are released
from jail is that the trial did not give the programmed effect. Being for a long time in jail increase the possibility of being in contact and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
who might encourage the prisoners to do the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
after they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
out of it.
As a result
of these factors a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
is potential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
after the
first
punishment for the society.
For example
, according to a detailed report from the Directorate of Prisons
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the USA".
in USA
, has shown that about 70 % of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
have repeated the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
after
being released
as they were not able to reintegrate into society and to control themselves.

An effective method to solve and
moreover
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this disturbing problem is to implement alternative ways of punishment. For a faster reintegration into society, to convert the jail sentence with long hours of community work
is considered
the best solution. Denmark is the prime example of how the exchange of the retribution to the unpaid and obligated work in the community has led to a decrease with 50 percent of recidivist crimes.

To conclude
, using the unpaid work in the community
instead
of harsh retribution it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as an effective way to deal with this issue. If the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
implement this solution, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
who commit the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
after the
first
sentence will
be decreased
drastically
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay You are looking for summer job. Write a letter to an employer. -introduce yourself-explain what type of job you like-explain your previous experiences and related skills v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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