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ou and your family are moving to another country, and you are looking for rented accommodation there. Write a letter to a property agent. in your letter- Introduce yourself and your family- Describe the type of accommodation that you hope to find- Give you v.1

ou and your family are moving to another country, and you are looking for rented accommodation there. Write a letter to a property agent. in your letter- Introduce yourself and your family- Describe the type of accommodation that you hope to find- Give you v. 1
Over the past two decades advertising is an indispensable part of business. These days, some multinational companies be held a responsible for sponsoring of sports so as to advertise their products. Although, some have negative opinions, but a majority of the population thinks it is full of advantages. From my standpoint, definitely, it will impose positive aspects for corporates, individuals and sport players. Undoubtedly, sport plays a vital role in human’s life. Recent marketing trends are radically changing and sport industry has been used as a marketing medium to sell commodities and services and companies and players can benefit from this situation. Firstly, corporates which find it difficult to attend in global markets can link their name and brand to successful and famous athletes. That means that sports sponsorship provides increased media exposure for a company and its brands. Therefore, player’s fans pay more attention on this company’s products and, in turn the widespread use of them can increase the rate of sale in the long term. Moreover, players can focus on their sport instead of being distracted by financial worries. The players who are from deprived areas are more likely to suffer from lack of basic amenities and therefore, they face too much stress. On the other hand, there are certain drawbacks to this that might have an adverse influence on the human mind. From a social perspective, behaviour of sports players is a decisive factor in shaping children’s personality. Thus, if a player use drugs and has misbehaved, will have negative consequences for both companies which sponsored them and society. In addition, some companies may advertise products harmful to people’s health. This situation will be compounded by the fact that fans of those sports players who consume these products certainly suffer from health problems. In conclusion, notwithstanding the product adverts have some demerits, but on the whole is beneficial for both multinational companies and sports athletes.
Over the past two decades advertising is an indispensable part of business. These days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
multinational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
be held
a responsible for sponsoring of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
advertise their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. Although,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
opinions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a majority of the population
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
it is full of advantages. From my standpoint, definitely, it will impose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects for
Possible spelling mistake found.
corporates
, individuals and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
players.

Undoubtedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
plays a vital role in human’s life. Recent marketing trends are
radically
changing and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
industry has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as a marketing medium to sell commodities and services and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
can benefit from this situation.
Firstly
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
corporates
which find it difficult to attend in global markets can link their name and brand to successful and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
athletes. That means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
sponsorship provides increased media exposure for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
and its brands.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player’s
fans pay more attention on this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and, in turn the widespread
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of them can increase the rate of sale in the long term.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
can focus on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
instead
of
being distracted
by financial worries. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
who are from deprived areas are more likely to suffer from lack of basic amenities and
therefore
, they face too much
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.

On the other hand
, there are certain drawbacks to this that might have an adverse influence on the human mind. From a social perspective,
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
is a decisive factor in shaping children’s personality.
Thus
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
drugs and has misbehaved, will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
which sponsored them and society.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
may advertise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
harmful to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s health. This situation will
be compounded
by the fact that fans of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
who consume these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
certainly
suffer from health problems.

In conclusion
, notwithstanding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
adverts have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
demerits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
on the whole
is beneficial for both multinational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
athletes.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay ou and your family are moving to another country, and you are looking for rented accommodation there. Write a letter to a property agent. in your letter- Introduce yourself and your family- Describe the type of accommodation that you hope to find- Give you v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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