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These days, problems with pollution are becoming worse, particularly in large cities. What are the reasons for this and how can this be solved? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.1

These days, problems with pollution are becoming worse, particularly in large cities. What are the reasons for this and how can this be solved? v. 1
It is believed that national wealth should not be spent on the arts, instead the government should spend it somewhere else. I completely agree with this statement because there are many other sectors that need government funding and only a handful of people have an interest in the arts. The primary reason for not investing in the artwork is that sectors such as education and healthcare need to be strengthened. This is because improvements in such sectors can help the public to improve their standard of living. In other words, if people do not have adequate educational and healthcare facilities, their lives will become miserable. For example, in India, last year, the entire nation suffered from a deadly viral epidemic that killed thousands of people due to a lack of qualified doctors and an adequate number of healthcare facilities. Thus if a nation intends to provide better living conditions to its people, it should invest in the education and health sector in order to strengthen them. Another reason is that there are only a few people who enjoy art and craft. That is to say, in today’s contemporary world, people have a myriad of options to entertain themselves, thus, they are not relying only on the arts for their entertainment. For instance, an article in The BBC News claimed that the variety of applications on smartphones have reduced the demand for art galleries among people of every age group. Therefore, it is not an acceptable idea to fund the arts if only a fraction of people are keen on it. In conclusion, the states should allocate money to the sectors such as education and health in order to provide a quality of life to men and women, and therefore, I believe that spending thousands of dollars to entertain a few people is utterly a waste of money.
It
is believed
that national wealth should not
be spent
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
,
instead
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should spend it somewhere else. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
that need
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
funding and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
a handful of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have an interest in the arts.

The primary reason for not investing in the artwork is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
such as education and healthcare need to
be strengthened
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
improvements in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the public to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their standard of living.
In other words
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have adequate educational and healthcare facilities, their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
will become miserable.
For example
, in India, last year, the entire nation suffered from a deadly viral epidemic that killed thousands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
due to a lack of qualified doctors and an adequate number of healthcare facilities.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
if a nation intends to provide better living conditions to its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, it should invest in the education and health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
in order to strengthen them.

Another reason is that there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and craft.
That is
to say, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s contemporary world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a myriad of options to entertain themselves,
thus
, they are not relying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
for their entertainment.
For instance
, an article in The BBC News claimed that the variety of applications on smartphones have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the demand for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
galleries among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of every age group.
Therefore
, it is not an acceptable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to fund the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
a fraction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are keen on it.

In conclusion
, the states should allocate money to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
such as education and health in order to provide a quality of life to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women, and
therefore
, I believe that spending thousands of dollars to entertain a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
utterly
a waste of money.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay These days, problems with pollution are becoming worse, particularly in large cities. What are the reasons for this and how can this be solved? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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