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Some people think that having a set retirement age e g 65 years for everybody regardless of occupation is unfair They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier stage Do you agree or disagree Which type of wo v.1

Some people think that having a set retirement age e g 65 years for everybody regardless of occupation is unfair They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier stage Which type of wo v. 1
The future is unpredictable, so it is important to focus on current affairs. However, planning for the future helps people have a clearer direction in life, but focusing on current life is also essential. I partly disagree with this issue. On the one hand, to achieve ambitions, we must have plans and goals to do it. Firstly, achieving desire helps us boost our motivation to get good results, so there should be some specific plans. It helps us break up into different small stages so that we can complete them step by step. Planning in a specific way gives us a clearer way to accomplish our goals smoothly. In addition, to aim for the target, the work to be completed will certainly be more difficult than usual, so it takes more enthusiasm and hard work. For example, constructing a big building, you need to split each period, the time to finish them from foundation to roof. The development of society makes people have great ambitions to conquer. On the other hand, to change time ahead plans into reality, to grasp the present is required. Focusing on the present can help people pay more attention to solving problems and achieve tasks rather than keeping their illusions. On the contrary, if people do not put any effort into their plans, these plans will be nothing but a waste of time. For instance, a few years ago, my sister had planned to set up her own education centre and she had divided into each of the current plans to gradually complete and now she had achieved that goal a month ago. To conclude, planning for the future is considered the first step towards success, whether these plans can become a reality depends on how people handle their current.
The future is unpredictable,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
current
affairs.
However
, planning for the future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a clearer direction in life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
focusing on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
current
life is
also
essential. I partly disagree with this issue.

On the one hand, to achieve ambitions, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plans
and goals to do it.
Firstly
, achieving desire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
us boost our motivation to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
results,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
there should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plans
. It
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
us break up into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
stages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that we can complete them step by step. Planning
Consider replacing "in a specific way" with the adverb for "specific"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a specific way
gives us a clearer way to accomplish our goals
smoothly
.
In addition
, to aim for the target, the work to
be completed
will
certainly
be more difficult than usual,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it takes more enthusiasm and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work.
For example
, constructing a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
building, you need to split each period, the time to finish them from foundation to roof. The development of society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have great ambitions to conquer.

On the other hand
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
time ahead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plans
into reality, to grasp the present
is required
. Focusing on the present can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
pay more attention to solving problems and achieve tasks
rather
than keeping their illusions.
On the contrary
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not put any effort into their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plans
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plans
will be nothing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a waste of time.
For instance
, a few years ago, my sister had planned to set up her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
education
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
centre and
she had divided into each of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plans
to
gradually
complete and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
she had achieved that goal a month ago.

To conclude
, planning for the future
is considered
the
first
step towards success, whether these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plans
can become a reality depends on how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
handle their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
current
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay Some people think that having a set retirement age e g 65 years for everybody regardless of occupation is unfair They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier stage Which type of wo v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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