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As part of a student social survey project, you are organizing a group to visit a historical exhibition in a small town. Write a letter asking for information•regarding such things as the contents of the exhibition•the dates of its opening and closing v.1

As part of a student social survey project, you are organizing a group to visit a historical exhibition in a small town. Write a letter asking for information•regarding such things as the contents of the exhibition•the dates of its opening and closing v. 1
Currently, schools gradually realize the importance of quality education. Some people, therefore suggest that it is necessary to take unrewarded district activities as a compulsory part of high school. Personally, I do not agree that we should force all teenagers to do unpaid industry. Admittedly, it is also true that participating in public service may be beneficial for both students themselves and society as a whole. In terms of an individual perspective, doing social service can develop life skills. For instance, teaching pupils how to play football can facilitate students’ patience and communication skills, which are two of the most valuable qualities for their life. From a social of point of view, students can form a strong bond with people through engaging in volunteer task. This is because students may establish a special relationship with the population being served, cultivating a sense of accomplishment and increasing social awareness and responsibility. Nevertheless, the merits discussed above may diminish because of compulsory requirement. Personally, I hold the view that students should not be compelled to involve in unpaid task to help the local neighbourhood. The primary reason is that most young people are already under enough pressure with their studies. School is just as demanding as a full-time job, and teachers expect their students to do homework and exam revision on top of attending lessons every day. Too much unwilling volunteered effort may impose physical stress on students, leading to a pessimistic attitude towards Center affaires. Moreover, society has nothing to gain from obliging young people to do unpaid work. In fact, it goes against the values of a free and fair society to force a group of people to do something against their will. Doing this can only culminate in resentment amongst young people, who would feel that they were being used. In conclusion, although community service may bring some advantages, I personally recommend that schools should not make this compulsory.
Currently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
gradually
realize the importance of quality education.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
therefore
suggest that it is necessary to take unrewarded district activities as a compulsory part of high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
Personally
, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that we should force all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to do unpaid industry.

Admittedly
, it is
also
true that participating in public service may be beneficial for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
themselves and society as a whole. In terms of an individual perspective, doing social service can develop life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
For instance
, teaching pupils how to play football can facilitate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
patience and communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, which are two of the most valuable qualities for their life. From a social of point of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can form a strong bond with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
through engaging in volunteer task. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
may establish a special relationship with the population
being served
, cultivating a sense of accomplishment and increasing social awareness and responsibility.
Nevertheless
, the merits discussed above may diminish
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of compulsory requirement.

Personally
, I hold the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should not
be compelled
to involve in unpaid task to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the local
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
. The primary reason is that most young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are already under
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
pressure with their studies.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
School
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
as demanding as a full-time job, and teachers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to do homework and exam revision on top of attending lessons every day. Too much unwilling volunteered effort may impose physical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, leading to a pessimistic attitude towards Center
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "affairs", the plural form of the noun 'affair'?
affaires
.
Moreover
, society has nothing to gain from obliging young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to do unpaid work. In fact, it goes against the values of a free and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
society to force a group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to do something against their will. Doing this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
culminate in resentment amongst young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who would feel that they were being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
.

In conclusion
, although community service may bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages, I
personally
recommend that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
this compulsory.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay As part of a student social survey project, you are organizing a group to visit a historical exhibition in a small town. Write a letter asking for information•regarding such things as the contents of the exhibition•the dates of its opening and closing v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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