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You are currently working for a prestigious company and happy with everything. However, a far better opportunity has come your way and you have to leave your current job and move abroad. write a letter to your current employer, in your letter you must int v.1

You are currently working for a prestigious company and happy with everything. However, a far better opportunity has come your way and you have to leave your current job and move abroad. write a letter to your current employer, in your letter you must int v. 1
The government in some countries spends only a few amounts of money on health care and education. I believe that the government should take care of all the funding required for the treatment of patients in hospitals and for covering the student's fees in schools. Some people cannot afford the hospital's and school's expense. Due to this, some people are dying and some children are not able to get the high-quality education. Firstly, the life expectancy in some countries are declining because most of the civilians do not have enough money to get their health-checkups done. For example, more than fifty percent of people in India are in below the poverty line which shows that they cannot afford to go to a prohibitive hospital, and students who do not get a proper education are likely to work at an early age. Secondly, health tests which are required to be done is so costly that people are not able to know the disease, they might be having. Consequences of it is so severe that people are dying. A survey done by the Delhi government shows that the mortality rate of people who come under the poverty line are decreasing sharply. Although they do not have money for the treatment, they do not deserve to die if the government and rest part of the world has enough money. In conclusion, the government should look after all costs, which is required to get the treatments and health-checkups done. In addition to that, they should also open some new high-quality public schools so that students who cannot afford to attend an expensive school, at least they can get their learning from public schools.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries spends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a few amounts of money on health care and education. I believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should take care of all the funding required for the treatment of patients in hospitals and for covering the student's fees in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot afford the hospital's and school's expense. Due to this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are dying and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
children are not able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the high-quality education.

Firstly
, the life expectancy in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries are declining
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most of the civilians do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their health-checkups done.
For example
, more than fifty percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in India are in below the poverty line which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that they cannot afford to go to a prohibitive hospital, and students who do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a proper education are likely to work at an early age.

Secondly
, health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
which
are required
to
be done
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
costly that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not able to know the disease, they might be having. Consequences of it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
severe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are dying.

A survey done by the Delhi
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the mortality rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
under the poverty line are decreasing
sharply
. Although they do not have money for the treatment, they do not deserve to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and rest part of the world has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should look
after all
costs, which
is required
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the treatments and health-checkups done.
In addition
to that, they should
also
open
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
new high-quality public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that students who cannot afford to attend an expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, at least they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their learning from public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay You are currently working for a prestigious company and happy with everything. However, a far better opportunity has come your way and you have to leave your current job and move abroad. write a letter to your current employer, in your letter you must int v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
279 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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