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1. Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

1. Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
One of the major functions of the government is to resolve criminal issues and provide peace to the citizens. The latest technology has provided methods to curb the crime, as a result, sharp decline has been observed in such cases as compared to that of the past. I completely agree with this view and strongly believe that the latest electronic gadgets have assisted police in tacking with the offenders. First of all, for 24 hours vigilance on crime, the electronic devices named closed-circuit television cameras have proved beneficial for the policemen. To explain it further, these cameras can be installed in all the isolated or sensitive areas where there are any chances of robbery, theft or murder and then one person with the help of computer can keep an eye on all the places sitting in the office. In addition, now police department has all the details such as fingerprints of the citizens of a country and with the help of computers, the procedure to match the fingerprints of the lawbreaker from the records where all data is stored is quite efficient and less time-consuming. Moreover, improvement in the communication channel by the use of the internet has also proved a boon for alleviating crime and getting faster resolution of the cases. For example, nowadays the crime details can be passed to any location without any time lag by use of internet or phone and if the person is doing crime in any other country or state, it is easier to inform and coordinate with the local police in that area. Additionally, devices such as Lie-detector is also advantageous in handling crime. For instance, it is not essential to torture a criminal to know the details of the crime, instead, there is a simple mechanism, by drafting some questions related to the incidence and enquiring the person and lie detector device can tell if the person is answering wrong or right. To conclude, in my perspective, technological advancement has been proved beneficial for solving and decreasing the crime rate because security personnel now equip with gadgets.
One of the major functions of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is to resolve criminal issues and provide peace to the citizens. The latest technology has provided methods to curb the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
,
as a result
, sharp decline has
been observed
in such cases as compared to that of the past. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view and
strongly
believe that the latest electronic gadgets have assisted police in tacking with the offenders.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, for 24 hours vigilance on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
, the electronic devices named closed-circuit television cameras have proved beneficial for the policemen. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
it
further
, these cameras can
be installed
in all the isolated or sensitive areas where there are any chances of robbery, theft or murder and then one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of computer can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
an eye on all the places sitting in the office.
In addition
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
police department has all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
such as fingerprints of the citizens of a country and with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of computers, the procedure to match the fingerprints of the lawbreaker from the records where all data
is stored
is quite efficient and less time-consuming.

Moreover
, improvement in the communication channel by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the internet has
also
proved a boon for alleviating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
and getting faster resolution of the cases.
For example
, nowadays the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
can
be passed
to any location without any time lag by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of internet or phone and if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
is doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
in any other country or state, it is easier to inform and coordinate with the local police in that area.
Additionally
, devices such as

Lie-detector is
also
advantageous in handling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
For instance
, it is not essential to torture a criminal to know the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
,
instead
, there is a simple mechanism, by drafting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
questions related to the incidence and
Possible spelling mistake. 'enquiring' is British English.
enquiring
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
and lie detector device can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
is answering
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
or right.

To conclude
, in my perspective, technological advancement has
been proved
beneficial for solving and decreasing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
security personnel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
equip with gadgets.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay 1. Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
346 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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