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Do you agree or disagree with this sentence? the opinions of celebrities such as famous person entertainers and athletes, are more important to younger people than they are to older people. v.2

with this sentence? the opinions of celebrities such as famous person entertainers and athletes, are more important to younger people than they are to older people. v. 2
Some people think that staying in a country where you ought to speak a foreign language will probably result in extreme problems. I agree that the language barrier can be hard to break, resulting in practical life difficulties along with social constraints. For people living in a non-native country communicating with a foreign language, may put them in life-threatening situations. If some people are unable to express their worries and thoughts, it can destabilize their stability. Take a foreign patient, for example, who find it hard to describe how he feels, obstructing doctors from finding out his medical issue. Not only, they will lose time, but also, they perhaps put other patients’ lives in danger. Arguably, individuals that travel to improve their language skills will possibly benefit from speaking with native speakers. However, since a lack of awareness, some complications occur when one speaks words that are not accepted by the culture forums. There are other reasons why people could struggle because of poor language connection. Most people tend to immigrate to other countries for a better career. However, some companies refuse to employ workers that are not native because of the language barrier. Furthermore, discrimination is not only in adult life, but also many immigrant students face bullying in their learning process in case of not being able to speak effectively. Consequently, many others choose to isolate themselves, fearing of being mocked. This choice will affect their personality and hold them from improving. In conclusion, I believe that, ultimately, many emotional and social problems will target people who cannot profoundly express themselves in a language other than their mother tongue.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that staying in a country where you ought to speak a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
will
probably
result in extreme problems. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
barrier can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to break, resulting in practical life difficulties along with social constraints.

For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in a non-native country communicating with a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
, may put them in life-threatening situations. If
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are unable to express their worries and thoughts, it can destabilize their stability. Take a foreign patient,
for example
, who find it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
how he feels, obstructing doctors from finding out his medical issue. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
, they will lose time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
, they perhaps put
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
patients’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
.
Arguably
, individuals that travel to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
will
possibly
benefit from speaking with native speakers.
However
, since a lack of awareness,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
complications occur when one speaks words that are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
by the culture forums.

There are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could struggle
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
connection. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to immigrate to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries for a better career.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
refuse to employ workers that are not native
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
barrier.
Furthermore
, discrimination is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in adult life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
immigrant students face bullying in their learning process in case of not being able to speak
effectively
.
Consequently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others choose to isolate themselves, fearing of
being mocked
. This choice will affect their personality and hold them from improving.

In conclusion
, I believe that,
ultimately
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
emotional and social problems will target
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who cannot
profoundly
express themselves in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
than their mother tongue.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay with this sentence? the opinions of celebrities such as famous person entertainers and athletes, are more important to younger people than they are to older people. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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