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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The way a person dress reflects his/her characters. v.67

The way a person dress reflects his/her characters. v. 67
Many people engage in physical game activities when they are young for so may reasons, but as they grow older they have tended to reduce the rate at which they exercise. There are many factors that may have contributed to the reduction in older people exercising. In this essay, I will be analysing some of the major causes of this downfall in sporting games among old folks and the best way to solve the problem. First and foremost, we need to understand why young people find it easier to exercise and what was their reasons for engaging in these activities. Often times, younger people participate in sport because as at that age, there are so many strengths inside of them at that period to engage in the sporting activities like football, running and sometimes basketball than at an older age. The reason for the decline is because as people get matured the inner and physical strength required for such recreation will have decreased. For example, when I was in the University, I was actively involved in sport games that required my physical strength but as I graduated from the University it was not easy for me continuing this game. Secondly, as people grow older they get more busy and have more priorities in life than when they were still very much younger. People are now occupied with work that takes more of their time and as a result will not be able to have leisure time for recreation activities. The higher percentage of working class individuals leave home as early as 6am to work and returned back at 7pm feeling tired and exhausted. This set of people will often go to bed immediately after their meal without thinking of exercising. In my opinion, one of the best way to solve this problem as highlighted above is firstly for every individual to have determination and love for amusement and other sporting activities. This way, even if the person gets older, the determination and love will keep them engaged in it. Also, the community should endeavour to make arrangement for recreation centres that will be easily accessible for people. If this sport facility is ready available in most environments, it will be as an encouragement for people to attend. In conclusion, the government or community association will play a major role in assisting to solve the problem by ensuring that there are facilities such as football playing ground, open field for running and gym equipments in every community as this can help to increase the interest of people in sporting activities as the required facilities are readily available for use.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
engage in physical game
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
when they are young for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
may reasons,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
as they grow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
they have tended to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the rate at which they exercise. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors that may have contributed to the reduction in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
exercising. In this essay, I will be
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
major causes of this downfall in sporting games among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
folks and the best way to solve the problem.

First
and foremost, we need to understand why young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find it easier to exercise and what was their reasons for engaging in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Often
times, younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
participate in sport
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
as at that age, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
strengths
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "inside".
inside of
them at that period to engage in the sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
like football, running and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
basketball than at an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
age. The reason for the decline is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
matured the inner and physical strength required for such recreation will have decreased.
For example
, when I was in the University, I was
actively
involved in sport games that required my physical strength
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
as I graduated from the University it was not easy for me continuing this game.

Secondly
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
grow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more busy and have more priorities in life than when they were
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much younger.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
occupied with work that takes more of their time and
as a result
will not be able to have leisure time for recreation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. The higher percentage of working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
home as early as 6am to work and
Consider using "returned".
returned back
at 7pm feeling tired and exhausted. This set of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
go to bed immediately after their meal without thinking of exercising.

In my opinion, one of the best way to solve this problem as highlighted above is
firstly
for every individual to have determination and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
for amusement and other sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. This way, even if the person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
, the determination and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them engaged in it.
Also
, the community should
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavour' is British English.
endeavour
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
arrangement for recreation
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
that will be
easily
accessible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. If this sport facility is ready available in most environments, it will be as an encouragement for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to attend.

In conclusion
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
or community association will play a major role in assisting to solve the problem by ensuring that there are facilities such as football playing ground, open field for running and gym equipments in every community as this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to increase the interest of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
as the required facilities are
readily
available for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay The way a person dress reflects his/her characters. v. 67

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
438 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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