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The table and graph below give information about cinema attendance in Australia between 1994 and 2002 v.1

The table and graph below give information about cinema attendance in Australia between 1994 and 2002 v. 1
The environment are being contaminated, when factories are letting their poisonous wastage, throw at any place. I believe that the government should take a strict action and should restrict them by banning these companies. This essay will discuss about, how a ban on such companies could improve the global environmental conditions and would have some health benefits also. Firstly, gases like methane, sulphur, are leading causes of the global warming and climate change. When companies throw their wastes outside like in the river, these waste materials make a mixture with water and other thrown items and after some chemical reactions, they produce harmful gases like methane, sulphur. Since these companies do not have proper arrangements for the waste items, they should be stoped. Secondly, waste items provide an accommodation to insects like flies, mosquitoes that could cause harm to our health. Even today, a health report shows that every year death rate is increasing five percent and it is due to the filth and chemical waste around us which is a home to deadly insects. So, in order to get rid of these, it is required to remove wastes around us by prohibiting some companies to allow their wastes to go out. In conclusion, since the world is already facing trouble with unexpected environmental changes, these things are adding more trouble to it. Hence, if it is not controlled, it would not only cost our environment but also our health. Although banning might be harsh on some companies, it would result a better health and a clean environment.
The environment are
being contaminated
, when factories are letting their poisonous wastage, throw at any place. I believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take a strict action and should restrict them by banning these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
. This essay will
Did you mean simply "discuss ,"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about,
how a ban on such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the global environmental conditions and would have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
benefits
also
.

Firstly
, gases like methane,
Possible spelling mistake. 'sulphur' is British English.
sulphur
, are leading causes of the global warming and climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
throw their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wastes
outside like in the river, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
materials
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a mixture with water and other thrown items and after
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
chemical reactions, they produce harmful gases like methane,
Possible spelling mistake. 'sulphur' is British English.
sulphur
. Since these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
do not have proper arrangements for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
items, they should be
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "stopped", the past tense form of the verb 'stop'?
stoped
.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
items provide
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "accommodation".
an accommodation
to insects like flies, mosquitoes that could cause harm to our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. Even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
report
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that every year death rate is increasing five percent and it is due to the filth and chemical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
around us which is a home to deadly insects.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of these, it
is required
to remove
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wastes
around us by prohibiting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wastes
to go out.

In conclusion
, since the world is already facing trouble with unexpected environmental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
, these things are adding more trouble to it.
Hence
, if it is not controlled, it would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
cost our environment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. Although banning might be harsh on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
, it would result a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and a clean environment.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The table and graph below give information about cinema attendance in Australia between 1994 and 2002 v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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