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You and you friend had booked theatre tickets two weeks back, but you cannot go with him, Write a letter to, 1-Apologize2-Explain the reason3-Suggest him what he can do with your ticket v.1

You and you friend had booked theatre tickets two weeks back, but you cannot go with him, Write a letter to, 1-Apologize2-Explain the reason3-Suggest him what he can do with your ticket v. 1
Because of the innovation of the internet, most universities appreciate giving online lectures and some people argue that the normal classroom teaching is far better than non physical tutoring meanwhile some individuals oppose this motion. First of all, the time flexibility associated with online teaching is superb. This is because it allows people to make effective use of their schedule in a meaningful way. This method of learning is suitable for nursing mothers and working class individuals who needs to manage their time and focus on the other important areas of their lives as they study. For example, a friend of mine who has a family to cater for, a career to build and two jobs was able to scale through her online courses and still strike a balance in another aspect her life because none physical teaching offers her the opportunity to do so unlike the traditional classroom teaching where one has to rush to class at a compulsory time. Furthermore, the invention of the internet has made schooling less expensive. For example, online master degree programs in most universities are affordable when compared to the face-to-face lectures. The accommodation, transportation such as flight tickets, feeding expenses and other logistics involved in conventional physical tutoring has been a challenging problem for most individuals. So why spend too much money since you can acquire the same knowledge at the comfort of your home? To conclude, some of the people enjoy studying at a convenient period and also because of the deteriorating economy and much responsibility, society target on less expensive ways of learning with quality knowledge. Therefore, the benefits of online teaching outweigh that of physical classroom learning.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the innovation of the internet, most universities appreciate giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
lectures and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that the normal classroom
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
is far better than non
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
tutoring meanwhile
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals oppose this motion.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the time flexibility associated with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
is superb. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
effective
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of their schedule
Consider replacing "in a meaningful way" with the adverb for "meaningful"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a meaningful way
. This method of learning is suitable for nursing mothers and working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
individuals who
Did you mean "need"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'individuals' should be used.
needs
to manage their time and focus on the other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
areas of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
as they study.
For example
, a friend of mine who has a family to cater for, a career to build and two jobs was able to scale through her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
courses and
still
strike a balance in another aspect her life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
none
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
offers her the opportunity to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
unlike the traditional classroom
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
where one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
rush to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
at a compulsory time.

Furthermore
, the invention of the internet has made schooling less expensive.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
master degree programs in most universities are affordable when compared to the face-to-face lectures. The accommodation, transportation such as flight tickets, feeding expenses and other logistics involved in conventional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
tutoring has been a challenging problem for most individuals.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
why spend too much money since you can acquire the same knowledge at the comfort of your home?

To conclude
,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
enjoy studying at a convenient period and
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the deteriorating economy and much responsibility, society target on less expensive ways of learning with quality knowledge.
Therefore
, the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
outweigh that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
classroom learning.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay You and you friend had booked theatre tickets two weeks back, but you cannot go with him, Write a letter to, 1-Apologize2-Explain the reason3-Suggest him what he can do with your ticket v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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