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You have booked two theater tickets in advance for you and your friend, however due to some reason you are unable to come. Write to your friend about it and say– What is the reason? – Why can’t you move your other commitment to a different time? – S v.1

You have booked two theater tickets in advance for you and your friend, however due to some reason you are unable to come. Write to your friend about it and say– What is the reason? – Why can’t you move your other commitment to a different time? – S v. 1
Nowadays, certain number of people argue that, creative art subject is essential to include in institutional curriculum, besides others think that IT studies and science should be the main priority. Apparently, music develop's student's functionality, but computing and science need more attention and preference at school. On the one hand, creative subject matters as music encourage creativity and imagination of pupils. To illustrate, students get an opportunity to exhibit their persisting skills. Furthermore, they learn the thesis of instrument operation. Meanwhile being innovative with what they imagine. Hence, prospecting as dynamic individual thinkers in the society. To sum up, schooling period can nurture their talents at its foundation level. It is true computers and science are mostly based on theology and practical activity, at the same time extra lesson time is inevitable. Particularly, complexity and moderation have inclined with difficulty. Rather than a teacher's preliminary explanation, faculty's expect further illustrations for realization. Furthermore, practical's inherent with datalogy and intellectual studies. As a result, tutor's have to commit more time and effort is unavoidable. In short, institution practitioners have to concentrate more on IT's and science themes. Finally, music should not result in priority to, thesis matters, but accumulating after school hours or free time will be ideal. For all this parent's preference and healthy, balanced syllabus is essential. In conclusion, while music certainly helps pupils to develop creativity as well as express themselves. It should be taught alongside electronic devices and scientific subjects. A school curriculum should consist of a balance of subjects.
Nowadays, certain number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that, creative art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
is essential to include in institutional curriculum,
besides
others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that IT studies and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
should be the main priority.
Apparently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
Do not use 's with a verb. Did you mean "develops"?
develop's
student's functionality,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
computing and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
need more attention and preference at school.

On the one hand, creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
matters as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
encourage creativity and imagination of pupils. To illustrate, students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an opportunity to exhibit their persisting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Furthermore
, they learn the thesis of instrument operation.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Meanwhile
being innovative with what they imagine.
Hence
, prospecting as dynamic individual thinkers in the society. To sum up, schooling period can nurture their talents at its foundation level.

It is true computers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
are
mostly
based on theology and practical activity, at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
extra lesson
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is inevitable.
Particularly
, complexity and moderation have inclined with difficulty.
Rather
than a teacher's preliminary explanation,
Consider using the plural form here: "facultys".
faculty's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
further
illustrations for realization.
Furthermore
, practical's inherent with
Possible spelling mistake found.
datalogy
and intellectual studies.
As a result
, tutor's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
commit more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and effort is unavoidable. In short, institution practitioners
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
concentrate more on IT's and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
themes.

Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
should not result in priority to, thesis matters,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
accumulating after school hours or free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
will be ideal. For all this parent's preference and healthy, balanced syllabus is essential.

In conclusion
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
pupils to develop creativity
as well
as express themselves. It should
be taught
alongside electronic devices and scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. A school curriculum should consist of a balance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
One who speaks only one language is one person, but one who speaks two languages is two people.
Turkish proverb

IELTS essay You have booked two theater tickets in advance for you and your friend, however due to some reason you are unable to come. Write to your friend about it and say– What is the reason? – Why can’t you move your other commitment to a different time? – S v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
253 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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