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TPO14 Q3The man expresses his opinion about the proposal in the newspaper. Briefly summarize the proposal, then state the man’s opinion and explain the reasons he gives for holding that opinion. v.1

TPO14 Q3The man expresses his opinion about the proposal in the newspaper. Briefly summarize the proposal, then state the man’s opinion and explain the reasons he gives for holding that opinion. v. 1
It is generally acknowledged that more and more high school graduates prefer to continue their education by going to a university rather than finding a job. While choosing to study at a university after high school has several potential drawbacks, personally I believe they are both outweighed and outnumbered by the merits. This essay will examine this trend followed by my personal point of view. On the one hand, going to a university after high school graduation instead of having a job has a number of demerits, the most detrimental of which is to have only theoretical knowledge due to the fact that students cannot have enough practical experience. This leads to struggling to perform duties once they get on board, as they only know the theory of the job, resulting in inefficiency in the workplace. As a consequence, companies might suffer to grow as quickly as possible they can. This has been evidenced by numerous academic studies the latest of which is one published by the University of Toronto in 2017 concluding that 75% of Canada's population hold a university degree, however, companies face challenges by finding employees to work on the floor. Therefore, the Canadian government has decided to accept more blue-collar immigrants to employ in the skill required positions. On the other hand, continuing with the university education after the high school has innumerable undeniable benefits; chief among them, the fact that nations' growth and development significantly rise owing to the fact that highly educated individuals contribute the success more than others. University graduates can perform effectively and efficiently as they have knowledge while they are on duty. This results in a dramatic increase in companies' revenue which leads to economic growth. According to the statistics released by the Nation's Development Committee of Russia in 2017 indicates that university graduates can develop better ways to perform duties in the workplace which leads to a 30% rise in production and a 50% decrease in expenses. Therefore, companies can have 60% more profit. In conclusion, whereas going to the university after high school instead of working has several disadvantages such as challenges of finding employees with practical experience, they are undoubtedly eclipsed by the advantages which are helping the growth and development of the country by using the knowledge to find the most efficient way to perform the job.
It is
generally
acknowledged that more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
graduates prefer to continue their education by going to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
rather
than finding a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. While choosing to study at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
has several potential drawbacks,
personally
I believe they are both outweighed and outnumbered by the merits. This essay will examine this trend followed by my personal point of view.

On the one hand, going to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
graduation
instead
of having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
has a number of demerits, the most detrimental of which is to have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
theoretical knowledge due to the fact that students cannot have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
practical experience. This leads to struggling to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perform
duties once they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
on board, as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
know the theory of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, resulting in inefficiency in the workplace. As a consequence,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
might suffer to grow as
quickly
as possible they can. This has
been evidenced
by numerous academic studies the latest of which is one published by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
of Toronto in 2017 concluding that 75% of Canada's population hold a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
degree,
however
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
face challenges by finding employees to work on the floor.
Therefore
, the Canadian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has decided to accept more blue-collar immigrants to employ in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
required positions.

On the other hand
, continuing with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
education after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
has innumerable undeniable benefits; chief among them, the fact that nations' growth and development
significantly
rise owing to the fact that
highly
educated individuals contribute the success more than others.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
graduates can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perform
effectively
and
efficiently
as they have knowledge while they are on duty. This results in a dramatic increase in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
' revenue which leads to economic growth. According to the statistics released by the Nation's Development Committee of Russia in 2017 indicates that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
graduates can develop better ways to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perform
duties in the workplace which leads to a 30% rise in production and a 50% decrease in expenses.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
can have 60% more profit.

In conclusion
, whereas going to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
instead
of working has several disadvantages such as challenges of finding employees with practical experience, they are
undoubtedly
eclipsed by the advantages which are helping the growth and development of the country by using the knowledge to find the most efficient way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perform
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO14 Q3The man expresses his opinion about the proposal in the newspaper. Briefly summarize the proposal, then state the man’s opinion and explain the reasons he gives for holding that opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
390 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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