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WRITING TASK2 You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words. v.1

WRITING TASK2 : successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. v. 1
It is important to consider whether earning money for a number of famous and productive sports professionals is vital. While many people often depict that people, especially successful ones, in sports career should earn more money than professionals in another sector, others think it would be an injustice for everyone. In this essay, I will discuss both the views with pertinent examples and I tend to agree with the former argument. First and foremost, gaining more financial wealth for a seasoned player leaves a negative impact on society. This is a problem because these players earn huge respect and popularity later on among mass people, whereas many important professionals do not recognise even after a major contribution. For example, becoming politicians has become a common phenomenon after the retirement of South Asia cricketers and for this reason, local people, who worked in politics entirely, get suffered and demotivated. So, this might not be equitable for other career-oriented executive, who is not being like a famous player. On the other hand, a successful sports person should earn enough wealth for his/her future. For instance, despite having a very good salary structure and other financial benefits, a footballer or cricket might not be able to earn after a certain age. As they are bound to retire at a certain point which is quite early than other professions, no other lucrative career would not be possible to secure other than coaching. As a result, future days of these stars may not seem to be fruitful if they do not start investing their career earning in somewhere else. To sum up, earning and creating a fortune of wealth may look sensible to secure the future after getting retired of career path though few individuals would be deprived from fair and equitable treatments because of the success and popularity of sports people. In my opinion, as a basketball or a football player has to risk not only their lives, but also their future just for their one and only career, earning a great deal of money is somewhat justified.
It is
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important
to consider whether
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earning
money for a number of
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famous
and productive
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sports
professionals is vital. While
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many
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people
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often
depict that
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people
,
especially
successful ones, in
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sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
more money than professionals in another sector, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it would be an injustice for everyone. In this essay, I will discuss both the views with pertinent examples and I tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former argument.

First
and foremost, gaining more financial wealth for a seasoned player
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leaves
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on society. This is a problem
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because
these players
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earn
huge respect and popularity later on among mass
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people
, whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
professionals do not
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognise' is British English.
recognise
even after a major contribution.
For example
, becoming politicians has become a common phenomenon after the retirement of South Asia cricketers and
for this reason
, local
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people
, who worked in politics
entirely
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
suffered and demotivated.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, this might not be equitable for
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other
career-oriented executive, who is not being like a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
player.

On the
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other
hand, a successful
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sports
person should
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earn
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enough
wealth for his/her
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future
.
For instance
, despite having a
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very
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good
salary structure and
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other
financial benefits, a footballer or cricket might not be able to
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earn
after a certain age. As they
are bound
to retire at a certain point which is quite
Use "earlier" to make a comparison with this adjective.
early
than
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other
professions, no
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other
lucrative
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career
would not be possible to secure
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other
than coaching.
As a result
,
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future
days of these stars may not seem to be fruitful if they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
investing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earning
in somewhere else.

To sum up,
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earning
and creating a fortune of wealth may look sensible to secure the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
after getting retired of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
path though few individuals would be
The usual collocation for "deprived" is "of" not "". Did you mean "deprived of"?
deprived from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
and equitable treatments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the success and popularity of
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sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In my opinion, as a basketball or a football player
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has to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for their one and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
,
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earning
a great deal of money is somewhat justified.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay WRITING TASK2 : successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
344 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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