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Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discus both these views and give your own opinion. Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.5

Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discus both these views and give your own opinion. Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v. 5
The growth of income inequality is now recognized to be one of the most important developments in employment relations. On the one hand, some people believe that efficiency and equity are underlying objectives for work and employment relationships. While fairness is difficult to reduce to specific standards, various evidences show the majority of the population find the current income distribution as unacceptable even while underestimating the true magnitudes of differentials that exist. 

On the other hand, a burst of new technology causes a rise in the demand of high level work, which in turn leads to a rise in earnings inequality, especially professional sports and entertainment. This rise in inequality occurs through demand for highly professional and skilled people who are needed to fill more technologically advanced works yet who are in short supply; and by the displacement of lower- and middle-skilled people who intensify competition for lower-wage works. However, both of the two views are still lacking the essential factor which is the overall revenue of business. It is impossible to raise up the wage while the revenue, in general, was lower than the expected salary pool. Sport clubs or entertainment companies usually have extremely high revenue since they attracted a huge number of spectators who are willing to pay for tickets, kits, souvenirs together with massive income from advertisement contracts. Others, such as hospitals or industrial factories may also have high revenue as well, but need to split the result of business to multiple positions and prioritize to the high-level and professional jobs whose cannot be replaced. Overall, it would be a challenge for balancing the wages between different positions and fields.
The growth of income inequality is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
recognized to be one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
developments in employment relations.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that efficiency and equity are underlying objectives for work and employment relationships. While fairness is difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
to specific standards, various evidences
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the majority of the population find the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
income distribution as unacceptable even while underestimating the true magnitudes of differentials that exist.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace



On the other hand
, a burst of new technology causes a rise in the demand of high level work, which in turn leads to a rise in earnings inequality,
especially
professional sports and entertainment. This rise in inequality occurs through demand for
highly
professional and skilled
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are needed
to fill more
technologically
advanced works
yet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are in short supply; and by the displacement of lower- and middle-skilled
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
intensify competition for lower-wage works.

However
, both of the two views are
still
lacking the essential factor which is the
overall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
revenue
of business. It is impossible to raise up the wage while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
revenue
,
in general
, was lower than the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
salary pool. Sport clubs or entertainment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
usually
have
extremely
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
revenue
since they attracted a huge number of spectators
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are willing to pay for tickets, kits, souvenirs together with massive income from advertisement contracts. Others, such as hospitals or industrial factories may
also
have high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
revenue
as well
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
need to split the result of business to multiple positions and prioritize to the high-level and professional jobs whose cannot
be replaced
.

Overall
, it would be a challenge for balancing the wages between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
positions and fields.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discus both these views and give your own opinion. Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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