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Some people think that having people from different nationalities and cultural backgrounds living together in the same country develop faster. Do you agree or disagree? v.6

Some people think that having people from different nationalities and cultural backgrounds living together in the same country develop faster. v. 6
Populace plays a significant role in the growth of the democracy. Nowadays, individuals from underdeveloped or developing countries are shifting to developed economies and contribute in the development of that democracy. I am in the favour of this notion and will discuss my views in the following paragraphs. Firstly, the capability and strengths of the individuals varies from democracy to democracy. Thus, some of them possess extra-ordinary potential. For example, the natives of Russia are popular for their sharp mind and Indians are renowned for their physical strength. Therefore, when natives of one nation will live or work in another country, they will certainly participate in the development of that economy by utilizing their skills. Moreover, such persons can pioneer the new technology, which can help to improve the existing working environment such as the change in the rules and regulations, the enhancement in the productivity and this move may prove as a boon for the natives of those nations as they will get inspired from them that ultimately will lead them towards success. Consequently, the perspective of the contribution of mixture of individuals of different nations, in the development of the domestic, is absolutely right. Secondly, the amalgamation of the natives of distinct nations makes the culture richer as different countries have different cultures, lifestyle. Therefore, the availability of different cultures, lifestyles in a single nation helps to enrich the same. For example, Dubai is an Arabic domestic where populaces from distinct economies reside. This is the reason that this domestic has brought itself into the limelight because of the presence of the array of masses from over 100 nations as everyone can find the vast amount of variety in cuisines. Apart from this, the popularity of the food has made the nation as the prominent tourist destination for the globetrotters. In addition to it, when tourists from various economies live and spend in such countries this activity stimulate the inflows of foreign currency, which makes the nations even more stronger economically. At last, it is apparent from the both views that the mixture of individuals from various countries not only helps in the growth of the economy but makes the culture richer and stronger.
Populace plays a significant role in the growth of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
democracy
. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
from underdeveloped or developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are shifting to developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economies
and contribute in the development of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
democracy
. I am in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of this notion and will discuss my views in the following paragraphs.

Firstly
, the capability and strengths of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
varies from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
democracy
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
democracy
.
Thus
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them possess extra-ordinary potential.
For example
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natives
of Russia are popular for their sharp mind and Indians
are renowned
for their physical strength.
Therefore
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natives
of one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
or work in another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, they will
certainly
participate in the development of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
by utilizing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Moreover
, such persons can pioneer the new technology, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the existing working environment such as the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations, the enhancement in the productivity and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
may prove as a boon for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natives
of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
as they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
inspired from them that
ultimately
will lead them towards success.
Consequently
, the perspective of the contribution of mixture of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
, in the development of the domestic, is
absolutely
right.

Secondly
, the amalgamation of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natives
of distinct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
richer
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
, lifestyle.
Therefore
, the availability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
, lifestyles in a single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to enrich the same.
For example
, Dubai is an Arabic domestic where populaces from distinct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economies
reside. This is the reason that this domestic has brought itself into the limelight
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the presence of the array of masses from over 100
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
as everyone can find the vast amount of variety in cuisines. Apart from this, the popularity of the food has made the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
as the prominent tourist destination for the globetrotters.
In addition
to it, when tourists from various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and spend in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
this activity stimulate the inflows of foreign currency, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
even
Use only "stronger" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more stronger
economically
.

At last, it is apparent from the both views that the mixture of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
from various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in the growth of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
richer and stronger.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that having people from different nationalities and cultural backgrounds living together in the same country develop faster. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
366 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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