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Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.3

Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. v. 3
As a result of constant media attention, sports professionals in my country have become stars and celebrities, and those at the top are paid huge salaries. Just like movie stars, they live extravagant lifestyles with huge houses and cars. Many people find their rewards unfair, especially when comparing these super salaries with those of top surgeons or research scientists or even leading politicians who have the responsibility of governing the country. However, sports salaries are not determined by considering the contribution to society a person makes, or the level of responsibility he or she holds. Instead, they reflect the public popularity of the sport in general and the level of public support that successful stars can generate. So the notion of ‘fairness’ is not the issue. Those who feel that sports stars’ salaries are justified might argue that the numbers of professionals with real talent are very few, and the money is recognition of the skills and dedication a person needs to be successful. Competition is constant and a player is tested every time they perform in their relatively short career. The pressure from the media is intense and there is little privacy out of the spotlight. There is a huge number of sports persons compared to those who have become successful and having a huge salary. It takes lots of practice, skills and time to become a sports icon. Again Sports personality like Sachin Tendulkar, Tiger Woods, Shane Warne inspires the new generation to be attracted to the games they play. So all of these factors may justify the huge earnings of the sports personality. The first reason why I think that such high salary is deserved by famous athletes and entertainers because we all need them. Entertainment plays an essential role in our everyday's life. We need to relax, watching TV with our favourite TV stars or favourite football players. Entertainment is one of the best ways to eliminate stress and tension and leave all troubles behind. For example, I can not stay home all day long without watching TV. So, basically, I believe that famous athletes and entertainers have such high salaries because we need them. They like doctors for our minds and soles. Scientists say that people usually spend the same amount of money for their food and entertainment. I think this fact tells a lot. The second reason for this is that famous athletes have to work hard in order to get good results. I am sure that achievements they make are the result of hard work, persistence and pain. They sometimes risk their lives and health. For example, I am a big fan of L. Amstrong, the most famous cyclist in world's history. He faced probably, the most challenging difficulty in his life, cancer. He was very young for this disease. Amstrong was in his early twenties when he found out about it. I read a book about his life, and what impressed me were his words after his victory in France. He said: "Cancer was the best thing that ever happened to me ". He defeated the disease only because he believed in himself and did not give up. I think such person deserves to have a high salary and be loved by many people throughout the world. Personally, I think that the amount of money such sports stars make is more justified than the huge earnings of movie stars, but at the same time, it indicates that our society places more value on the sport than on the essential professions and achievements.
As a result
of constant media attention,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
professionals in my country have become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
and celebrities, and those at the top
are paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
like movie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
extravagant lifestyles with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
huge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
and cars.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
find their rewards unfair,
especially
when comparing these super
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
with those of top surgeons or research scientists or even leading politicians who have the responsibility of governing the country.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
are not determined by considering the contribution to society a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
, or the level of responsibility he or she holds.
Instead
, they reflect the public popularity of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
in general
and the level of public support that successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
can generate.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the notion of ‘fairness’ is not the issue.

Those who feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
are justified
might argue that the numbers of professionals with real talent are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
few, and the money is recognition of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and dedication a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to be successful. Competition is constant and a player is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tested
every time they perform in their
relatively
short career. The pressure from the media is intense and there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
privacy out of the spotlight. There is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
huge
number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
compared to those who have become successful and having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
. It takes lots of practice,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and time to become a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
icon. Again
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
personality like
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sachin
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tendulkar
, Tiger Woods, Shane
Possible spelling mistake found.
Warne
inspires the new generation to
be attracted
to the games they play.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
all of these factors may justify the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
huge
earnings of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
personality.

The
first
reason why I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that such high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
is deserved
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
athletes and entertainers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
them. Entertainment plays an essential role in our
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
's life. We
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to relax, watching TV with our
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
or
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
football players. Entertainment is one of the best ways to eliminate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and tension and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
all troubles behind.
For example
, I can not stay home all day long without watching TV.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
basically
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
athletes and entertainers have such high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
them. They like doctors for our minds and soles. Scientists say that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
usually
spend the same amount of money for their food and entertainment. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
this fact
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tells
a lot.

The second reason for this is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
athletes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
results. I am sure that achievements they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
are the result of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work, persistence and pain. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and health.
For example
, I am a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
fan of L.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Amstrong
, the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
cyclist in world's history. He faced
probably
, the most challenging difficulty in his life, cancer. He was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young for this disease.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Amstrong
was in his early twenties when he found out about it. I read a book about his life, and what impressed me were his words after his victory in France. He said:
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Cancer was the best thing that ever happened to me
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
. He defeated the disease
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he believed in himself and did not give up. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
deserves to have a high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
and be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
throughout the world.

Personally
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that the amount of money such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
is more justified than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
huge
earnings of movie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the same time, it indicates that our society places more value on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
than on the essential professions and achievements.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
47Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes
A new language is a new life.
Persian Proverb

IELTS essay Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. v. 3

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
590 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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