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Q: Successful sports professionals can earn great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while other think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. v.2

Q: Successful sports professionals can earn great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while other think it is unfair. v. 2
There is no gainsaying that the topic has gained immediate attention owing to its uniqueness. There are two dimensions to this topic; more clearly, there are two points of view. A group of individual asserts that sports person enjoy additional monetary benefits as compared to other renowned professionals and it is justified whereas other group is of the view that there should be balance and undue attention and monetary benefits should not be granted to sports personalities. Let’s discuss both impressions in detail before reaching to a final verdict. To start with, there is no denial that sports personality get the edge upon other professional personality. It is due to the fame they enjoy, the importance of their sports in people’s life and last but not the least, the fan following. For instance, we all know that around the globe two sports hype never gets fade. One is football and other is cricket. People are so passionate, attached and enthusiastic about these games that they see their players as someone out of this world. To elucidate it further, people go crazy for Messi (football player) and Sachin Tendulkar (Cricket player) that they even commit suicide if these players performed bad. It is quite evident that this sort of fame provides the platform for these celabritities to crack other business deals to acquire more money. A good example would be sports persons working in commercials, selling different products. For instance, Virat Kohli (Cricket Player) can be seen in energy boosting drink ad. Another example would be Wasim Akram (Former Cricket player) can be seen in Diabetes strips product ad and the list goes on. These sorts of engagements provide them more monetary benefits as compared to other professionals. On the other hand, other professions like businessman, film stars also do enjoy fan following but not this much as these sports persons do. Their roles, nature of work does not have room for such money making deals. To recapitulate the aforementioned argument, this fact holds true for sports persons that they enjoy extra attention and money benefits and in my opinion they are pretty justified as they have earned this by performing in their respective sports.
There is no gainsaying that the topic has gained immediate attention owing to its uniqueness. There are two dimensions to this topic; more
clearly
, there are two points of view. A group of individual asserts that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
additional monetary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
as compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
renowned professionals and it
is justified
whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
group is of the view that there should be balance and undue attention and monetary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
should not
be granted
to
The verb after "to" should be in the base form: "sport".
sports
personalities.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
’s discuss both impressions in detail
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
reaching to a final verdict.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, there is no denial that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
personality
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the edge upon
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
professional personality. It is due to the fame they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
, the importance of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s life and last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least, the fan following.
For instance
, we all know that around the globe two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
hype never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
fade. One is football and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cricket
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
passionate, attached and enthusiastic about these games that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
as someone out of this world. To elucidate it
further
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
go crazy for Messi (football
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player)
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sachin
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tendulkar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
(Cricket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player)
that they even commit suicide if these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
performed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
.

It is quite evident that this sort of fame provides the platform for these
Possible spelling mistake found.
celabritities
to crack
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
business deals to acquire more money. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example would be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
working in commercials, selling
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
products.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Virat
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kohli
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
(Cricket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Player)
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in energy boosting drink ad. Another example would be
Possible spelling mistake found.
Wasim
Possible spelling mistake found.
Akram
(Former
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Cricket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player)
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in Diabetes strips product ad and the list goes on.

These sorts of engagements provide them more monetary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
as compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
professionals. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
professions like businessman, film stars
also
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
fan following
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not this much as these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
do. Their roles, nature of work does not have room for such money making deals.

To recapitulate the aforementioned argument, this fact holds true for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
that they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
extra attention and money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
and in my opinion they are pretty justified as they have earned this by performing in their respective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
A new language is a new life.
Persian Proverb

IELTS essay Q: Successful sports professionals can earn great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while other think it is unfair. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
364 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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