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Writing task 2 (an essay)Some people believe that radio is the best way to get news while others think that TV is better for this purpose. Discuss both views, give your opinion and relevant examples. v.2

Writing task 2 (an essay)Some people believe that radio is the best way to get news while others think that TV is better for this purpose. v. 2
Nowadays, various kinds of methods for being informed nationally and globally are accessible to individuals. Even by technology revolutionized and abundant variety of electric devices, radio and television are still the most popular ones. Some people, including me, believe that radio has distinct advantages and carries more weight for transferring news than TV. In this essay, both sides of opinion besides my point of view will be discussed. On the one hand, although, some people think that TV is the most common ways for updating news and gaining worldwide information because of attracting scenes and its visual feature, it is not accessible and practical tool in every place. As an example, transit drivers who work at all days and nights and focusing on the roads is their job’s necessities cannot look at the TV during their duties but radio would be a good choice for them. Additionally, television due to expose different lights are dangerous for our body especially for eyes with regard to this issue that most of the vision disorders are caused by TV. On the other hand, radio has a significant feature that could change it to the best media for spreading news. Firstly, as radio has a simple wave-based system, it is inevitable that can be run on nearly all gadgets even low-technology ones. Secondly, with regard to the environmentally friendly issue, it is our responsibility to use energy-saving devices and obviously, radio consume less electricity than television. Therefore, this is a good choice for people who cannot afford or live in areas with poor economic. In conclusion, while some may advocate for TV, I think that has some drawbacks with regard to eyes disorders and unreachable every place. In addition, due to the positive effects of using radio including availability and low-consumption energy, my definite idea is that radio can be appropriate media for sharing news.
Nowadays, various kinds of methods for
being informed
nationally
and globally are accessible to individuals. Even by technology revolutionized and abundant variety of electric devices,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radio
and television are
still
the most popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, including me, believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radio
has distinct advantages and carries more weight for transferring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
than TV. In this essay, both sides of opinion
besides
my point of view will
be discussed
.

On the one hand, although,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that TV is the most common ways for updating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
and gaining worldwide information
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of attracting scenes and its visual feature, it is not accessible and practical tool in every place. As an example, transit drivers who work at all days and nights and focusing on the roads is their job’s necessities cannot
Did you mean "watch"?
look
at the TV during their duties
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radio
would be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
choice for them.
Additionally
, television due to expose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
lights are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for our body
especially
for eyes with regard to this issue that most of the vision disorders
are caused
by TV.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radio
has a significant feature that could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
it to the best media for spreading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
.
Firstly
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radio
has a simple wave-based system, it is inevitable that can
be run
on
nearly
all gadgets even low-technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
.
Secondly
, with regard to the
environmentally
friendly issue, it is our responsibility to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
energy-saving devices and
obviously
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radio
consume less electricity than television.
Therefore
, this is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
choice for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who cannot afford or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in areas with poor economic.

In conclusion
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
may advocate for TV, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks with regard to eyes disorders and unreachable every place.
In addition
, due to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects of using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radio
including availability and low-consumption energy, my
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
definite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radio
can be appropriate media for sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Writing task 2 (an essay)Some people believe that radio is the best way to get news while others think that TV is better for this purpose. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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