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In most parts of the world, people are living longer. What are the possible causes of this situation? Is this a negative or positive development? v.2

In most parts of the world, people are living longer. What are the possible causes of this situation? Is this a negative or positive development? v. 2
As the technologies advances, the life expectancy is increasing for most of the countries and there are several explanations for the phenomenon. In my opinion, I think the negative impacts outweigh the benefits of this development. Firstly, the improvement of the technologies for newborn babies is a major reason for the longer life. The dramatic decline of fatalities among babies and the invention of vaccinations significantly contribute to the increased life expectancy. Secondly, the medical advancements allow doctors to treat diseases or wounds that were thought to be fatal before. For instance, the possibility of getting an organ transplantation from donors or even printing it with 3D printers have greatly boosted the success rates for surgeries. Thirdly, the overall better quality of life is also one of the reason. Easy access to food and water and the ability to maintain personal hygiene have contributed to the wellbeing of people. Lastly, the medical advancements on caring for the elderly. All of these are the reasons behind the increased expectancy of life. As good as it is to live longer, I believe the disadvantages of the development are much more than the advantages. Only people who can afford to pay the premium pricing of the new technologies are able to benefit from them, resulting in bigger gaps between the rich and the poor. Additionally, increased life means more people and a bigger population, which will fasten the rate that food and natural resources are consumed. Moreover, just because one can live longer does not mean that one wants to do so. Friends and families might try to keep an individual alive for their own goods rather than for the patient. To summarize, I believe that the increasing life expectancy that comes with the technology advancements has more negative impacts than the positive ones.
As the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
advances, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy is increasing for most of the countries and there are several explanations for the phenomenon. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts outweigh the benefits of this development.

Firstly
, the improvement of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
for newborn babies is a major reason for the longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. The dramatic decline of fatalities among babies and the invention of vaccinations
significantly
contribute to the increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy.
Secondly
, the medical advancements
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
doctors to treat diseases or wounds that were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to be fatal
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
For instance
, the possibility of getting an organ transplantation from donors or even printing it with 3D printers have
greatly
boosted the success rates for surgeries.
Thirdly
, the
overall
better quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is
also
one of the reason. Easy access to food and water and the ability to maintain personal hygiene have contributed to the
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Lastly
, the medical advancements on caring for the elderly. All of these are the reasons behind the increased expectancy of life.

As
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
as it is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
longer, I believe the disadvantages of the development are much more than the advantages.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who can afford to pay the premium pricing of the new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
are able to benefit from them, resulting in bigger gaps between the rich and the poor.
Additionally
, increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
means more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and a bigger population, which will fasten the rate that food and natural resources
are consumed
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
longer does not mean that one wants to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
. Friends and families might try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
an individual alive for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
rather
than for the patient.

To summarize
, I believe that the increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
advancements has more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts than the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
ones.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay In most parts of the world, people are living longer. What are the possible causes of this situation? Is this a negative or positive development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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