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Some groups of people have benefited from the modern communications technology but some people have not benefited at all Do you agree or disagree v.2

Some groups of people have benefited from the modern communications technology but some people have not benefited at all v. 2
Modern communications have been capturing significant public controversy in recent decades since their potential accessibility is grounded on users’ purchasing powers, raising the questions of disproportionate positive implications enjoyed by different social classes. Given the suggestion that specific groups of people could benefit from modern communications, I totally agree. It is true that people with robust financial capacities could benefit from modern connections. From the interpersonal interaction perspective, because mobile phones are proved to be prohibitively expensive, the affordability would fall into the capability of individuals with high income flow. This means that the ownership of such telecommunication devices would allow users to deliver a message from one location to another without physical travels, costing unnecessary time, money and efforts. From the educational perspective, due to the rising pattern of online education, many academic programmes from educational institutions have been featured into different platforms on the Internet, exclusively accessed with Internet service providers with monthly subscriptions, which only financially stable individuals could incur. Consequently, they could be equipped with academic and practical knowledge and occupational skills for specific job specifications, making their increased employment prospects an inevitable product. On the other hand, people with limited financial abilities could not be advantaged from modern communication innovations. Specifically, individuals, especially those residing in poverty-stricken areas are invariably associated with unstable financial resources. If these income sources are limited, even food securities and basic sustenance could even not be ensured, making the affordability of modern communication technologies impossible, hampering their opportunities of rejoicing the advantages of such devices. In conclusion, I firmly believe that modern connection innovations could be exclusively advantageous to a specific group of people, who earn high income. Official authorities should take steps to address these issues to guarantee the equal modern digital innovation s access irrespective of social classes.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Modern
communications have been capturing significant public controversy in recent decades since their potential accessibility
is grounded
on users’ purchasing powers, raising the questions of disproportionate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
implications enjoyed by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
social classes.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
the suggestion that specific groups of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could benefit from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
communications, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
.

It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with robust financial capacities could benefit from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
connections. From the interpersonal interaction perspective,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
mobile phones
are proved
to be
prohibitively
expensive, the affordability would fall into the capability of individuals with high income flow. This means that the ownership of such telecommunication devices would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
users to deliver a message from one location to another without physical travels, costing unnecessary time, money and efforts. From the educational perspective, due to the rising pattern of online education,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
academic
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
from educational institutions have
been featured
into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
platforms on the Internet, exclusively accessed with Internet service providers with monthly subscriptions, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
financially
stable individuals could incur.
Consequently
, they could
be equipped
with academic and practical knowledge and occupational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for specific job specifications, making their increased employment prospects an inevitable product.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with limited financial abilities could not
be advantaged
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
innovations.
Specifically
, individuals,
especially
those residing in poverty-stricken areas are
invariably
associated with unstable financial resources. If these income sources
are limited
, even food securities and basic sustenance could even not
be ensured
, making the affordability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
technologies impossible, hampering their opportunities of rejoicing the advantages of such devices.

In conclusion
, I
firmly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
connection innovations could be exclusively advantageous to a specific group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who earn high income. Official authorities should take steps to address these issues to guarantee the equal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
digital innovation s access irrespective of social classes.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some groups of people have benefited from the modern communications technology but some people have not benefited at all v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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