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Doctors these days are saying people are not getting enough physical exercise. What do you think are the problem of this trend? What can be done to solve this problem? v.2

Doctors these days are saying people are not getting enough physical exercise. What do you think are the problem of this trend? What can be done to solve this problem? v. 2
Health is among the principle importance of human life and pupils are not able to do physical exercise regularly. Firstly this essay will suggest that the biggest problem caused by this phenomenon is increase obesity and then submit following healthy routine is the most viable solutions to this problem. The foremost problem caused by not allowing sufficient time to do exercise might increase the fat level in their body. Human being nowadays consumed quite enough amount of calories from their food and energy drink and do not allocate time for exercise like doing yoga, visiting gym and walking during the morning or evening period because of their busy schedule. As a consequent of that, they are suffering from multiple disease and visiting hospital quite regularly for their regular health checkup. For example, The Himalayan Times recently reported that top level employee in the private sectors visit hospital at least twice a month for their physical checkup in comparison to other employee. A possible solution to this problem would be to follow proper health plan. Health routine such as consume proper and healthy diet, follow regular exercise, timely visiting hospital for necessary health advisory from doctors could be done consciously, thereby stopping the unhealthy fattish level from their body. As a result of that, they would have a healthy life and can spend their family saving for healthy family functioning. For instance, this is most evident in my country that, educated family in urban area seriously do the necessary exercise and receive health advisory from their family doctors time manner. In conclusion following regular exercise is the only a gateway to have healthy life, people who could not follow the healthy plan would be affected by various illness and spent their family money only in hospital. However more and more people in future practice strict health routine in regards to make their family more happy and healthy.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
is among the principle importance of human life and pupils are not able to do physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
regularly
.
Firstly
this essay will suggest that the biggest problem caused by this phenomenon is increase obesity and then submit following
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
routine is the most viable solutions to this problem.

The foremost problem caused by not allowing sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
might increase the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
level in their body. Human being nowadays consumed quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
amount of calories from their food and energy drink and do not allocate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
like doing yoga, visiting gym and walking during the morning or evening period
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their busy schedule. As a consequent of that, they are suffering from multiple disease and visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
quite
regularly
for their regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
checkup.
For example
, The Himalayan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Times
recently reported that
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
top level
employee in the private sectors visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
at least twice a month for their physical checkup
in comparison
to other employee.

A possible solution to this problem would be to follow proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
plan.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
routine such as consume proper and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
diet, follow regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
, timely visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
for necessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
advisory from doctors could
be done
consciously
, thereby stopping the unhealthy
Possible spelling mistake found.
fattish
level from their body.
As a result
of that, they would have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
life and can spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
saving for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
functioning.
For instance
, this is most evident in my country that, educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
in urban area
seriously
do the necessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
and receive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
advisory from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
doctors
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
manner.

In conclusion
following regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a gateway to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
life,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who could not follow the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
plan would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by various illness and spent their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
more and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in future practice strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
routine
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
in regards to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
more happy and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Doctors these days are saying people are not getting enough physical exercise. What do you think are the problem of this trend? What can be done to solve this problem? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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