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Writing, reading and maths are the three recognized traditional subjects. Computer skill should also be the fourth largest branch. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Writing, reading and maths are the three recognized traditional subjects. Computer skill should also be the fourth largest branch. v. 2
It is sometimes argued that computer skills should be considered as a main subject which is as essential as the three mandatory and traditional ones. In my opinion, I believe this argument is definitely correct and suitable in this technology era. To begin with, reading, writing and mathematics are importantly fundamental for the students. These subjects provide the most necessary skills that people need for their future occupations. For instance, when an individual applies for a job, he will be required a detailed curriculum vitae which demands an exceptional writing skill to impress the interviewer. Moreover, these three subjects have been recognized as primary and traditional fields for decades. Thus, the requirement to achieve at least average-good level for a person from educational institutes is unquestionable. On the other hand, since technology is fast developing every day, computer skills should be implemented in schools’ curriculum. Firstly, making computer science one of the four largest branches in education can attract attention from students. Most learners are under sixteen and they do not have any idea of how useful computer skills are for their lifetime career in the future. Therefore, every school council has to set this subject a must for the students’ studying program. Secondly, students also need to have a basic understanding of computer technology to catch up with the fast-paced advancement of computer industry. If people do not prepare these essential skills at early ages, they will be left behind in the race of finding jobs related to computers eventually. In conclusion, I believe that computer science should be considered as the fourth major branch in education along with reading, writing and mathematics.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
argued that computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
should
be considered
as a main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
which is as essential as the three mandatory and traditional ones. In my opinion, I believe this argument is definitely correct and suitable in this technology era.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, reading, writing and mathematics are
importantly
fundamental for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
provide the most necessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
need for their future occupations.
For instance
, when an individual applies for a job, he will
be required
a detailed curriculum vitae which demands an exceptional writing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
to impress the interviewer.
Moreover
, these three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
have
been recognized
as primary and traditional fields for decades.
Thus
, the requirement to achieve at least average-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
level for a person from educational institutes is unquestionable.

On the other hand
, since technology is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
developing every day, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
should
be implemented
in schools’ curriculum.
Firstly
, making computer science one of the four largest branches in education can attract attention from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. Most learners are under
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
sixteen and
they do not have any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of how useful computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are for their lifetime career in the future.
Therefore
, every school council
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
set this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
studying program.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
also
need to have a basic understanding of computer technology to catch up with the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-paced advancement of computer industry. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not prepare these essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
at early ages, they will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
behind in the race of finding jobs related to computers
eventually
.

In conclusion
, I believe that computer science should
be considered
as the fourth major branch in education along with reading, writing and mathematics.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Writing, reading and maths are the three recognized traditional subjects. Computer skill should also be the fourth largest branch. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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