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For centuries, important parts of education have remained such as reading, writing and maths. With the advent of computers, some people think that computer skill should be made as a fourth skill to be added to the list. To what extent do you agree. v.4

For centuries, important parts of education have remained such as reading, writing and maths. With the advent of computers, some people think that computer skill should be made as a fourth skill to be added to the list. v. 4
In this modern era, with the development in technology, knowledge in computer education is crucial in people’s life. Many people believe that computer skill has been an essential skill as a literature and logics. I totally agree that computer education should be made at next skill to be prioritized or even made mandatory to the curriculum. There are two primary reasons why computer skill should make compulsory in schools and colleges. Firstly, Computer skill makes us understand things or subjects better with much interest. To be more specific, educational software and applications help student understand the subjects like math, science and literature much better than before. For example, one of the researches done in Japan have shown that the children's interest in studies has increased by sixty percent by the use of computers. Therefore, computer skill can be taken as an important tool for developing children's interest in education. Secondly, computer education creates the job opportunity. There are a variety of careers that an individual can choose after studying or having knowledge in software, hardware, programming language, data analysis etc. People can work as a software engineer, data analyst or programmer. People can even become an entrepreneur. Hence there are many job opportunity if someone has computer skill. Computer skill, not only help people in their study and work but also makes their life easy and connect the people all around the world. For instance, social networking is being popular among people who have those skills, which help them to communicate with relatives and friends. They can even do many tasks such as paying the electric bill, water bill, internet bill etc. To sum up, if the computer skill is made compulsory at school and colleges, people’s life would be much easier as it helps in study, work as well as in daily activities.
In this modern era, with the development in technology, knowledge in computer education is crucial in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
has been an essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
as a literature and logics. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that computer education should
be made
at
next
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
to
be prioritized
or even made mandatory to the curriculum.

There are two primary reasons why computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
compulsory in schools and colleges.
Firstly
, Computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
us understand things or subjects better with much interest. To be more specific, educational software and applications
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
student understand the subjects like math, science and literature much better than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
For example
, one of the researches done in Japan have shown that the children's interest in studies has increased by sixty percent by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of computers.
Therefore
, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
can
be taken
as an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
tool for developing children's interest in education.

Secondly
, computer education creates the job opportunity. There are a variety of careers that an individual can choose after studying or having knowledge in software, hardware, programming language, data analysis etc.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can work as a software engineer, data analyst or programmer.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can even become an entrepreneur.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
job opportunity if someone has computer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
.

Computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in their study and work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
their life easy and connect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
all around the world.
For instance
, social networking is being popular among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to communicate with relatives and friends. They can even do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
tasks such as paying the electric bill, water bill, internet bill etc.

To sum up, if the computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
is made
compulsory at school and colleges,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
life would be much easier as it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
in study, work
as well
as in daily activities.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay For centuries, important parts of education have remained such as reading, writing and maths. With the advent of computers, some people think that computer skill should be made as a fourth skill to be added to the list. v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
304 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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