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Writing, reading and math are three recognized traditional subjects. Computer skill should also be the fourth largest branch. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Writing, reading and math are three recognized traditional subjects. Computer skill should also be the fourth largest branch. v. 2
There has been a discussion about the fact that the government should accept computer skill be come to the fourth popular subject in the education system. In my perspective, I totally agree of this idea. The recognition of computer skill is the fourth most popular subject that may bring various benefits to students. To begin with the fact that this subject can make student to improve significantly their knowledge of technology. This enable them to get good job after graduating the university, especial in the modern digital technology economy. The huge international investment companies can pay huge amount of money to professtional source of labor. This leads to improve the living standard and enable the economy of country to grow up significantly. Father more, good computer skill could help student gain and analysis information quickly, exactly and reasonably and this make valuable contribution to increasing quality of study. Even though, this trend could promote the development of education system. Last but not least, it can not be denied the positive effect which this tendency bring to the teacher. The inclusion of computer skill in the curriculum require the teacher undergo a dramatic change in teaching method, from the traditional method to modern method which is applied the scientific and technological advancement leading to the quality of education is enhanced. In conclusion, I believe that beside three recognized important subjects that are writing, reading and math, computer skills should be considered as the fourth crucial branch of education system. and the government should consider this issue carefully.
There has been a discussion about the fact that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should accept computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to the fourth popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system. In my perspective, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

The recognition of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
is the fourth most popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
that may bring various benefits to students. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with the fact that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
student to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
significantly
their knowledge of technology.
The verb 'enable' is plural. Did you mean: "This enables"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
This enable
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job after
The verb 'to graduate' requires the preposition 'from': "graduating from".
graduating
the university, especial in the modern digital technology economy. The huge international investment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
can pay huge amount of money to
Possible spelling mistake found.
professtional
source of labor. This leads to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the living standard and enable the economy of country to grow up
significantly
. Father more,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
student gain and analysis information
quickly
, exactly and
reasonably
and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
valuable contribution to increasing quality of study.
Even though
, this trend could promote the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, it can not
be denied
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect which
The verb 'bring' is plural. Did you mean: "this tendency brings"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
this tendency bring
to the teacher. The inclusion of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
in the curriculum require the teacher undergo a dramatic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in teaching method, from the traditional method to modern method which
is applied
the scientific and technological advancement leading to the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is enhanced
.

In conclusion
, I believe that beside three recognized
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that are writing, reading and math, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
should
be considered
as the fourth crucial branch of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
and
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should consider this issue
carefully
.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Writing, reading and math are three recognized traditional subjects. Computer skill should also be the fourth largest branch. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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