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Writing, reading and maths are the three recognized traditional subjects. Computer skill should also be the fourth largest branch. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Writing, reading and maths are the three recognized traditional subjects. Computer skill should also be the fourth largest branch. v. 1
Some people are of the opinion that instead of imprisonment, certain prisoners should be made to do community work without being paid. I strongly believe that this is the right way to treat people who have committed menial crimes. Undoubtedly, people who have committed crimes should be punished in one form or the other. However, imprisonment is not always the answer. Certainly, there are a lot of offences that people should not get away with. But putting people behind bars for a few felonies like: urinating in public places, breaking the traffic rules, littering on the roads and so on, seems a little unnecessary. Dealing with this dilemma in a constructive method would be by making such citizens do unpaid work that helps the society and at the same time would give them the insight on how they can change their behaviour in the future. For instance, if someone was caught littering in a public place, such person should be made to join a cleanliness drive. While doing this job, the offender will realize how easy it is to throw away trash on the road, but how difficult it is to clean up the mess. Thus, killing two birds with one stone. Adding to that, it is easier for someone to spend a night in prison rather than working without being paid for a few days. Nevertheless, it is the job of the people in the authority to take a call on this. To sum up, as times are changing, the number of people who commit crimes is also increasing at an alarming rate. The conventional idea of putting people behind bars is ineffective in a lot of cases. Thus, dealing with such situations in a creative style is the answer to this issue.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are of the opinion that
instead
of imprisonment, certain prisoners should
be made
to do community work without
being paid
. I
strongly
believe that this is the right way to treat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have committed menial crimes.

Undoubtedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have committed crimes should
be punished
in one form or the other.
However
, imprisonment is not always the answer.
Certainly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
away with.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
putting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
behind bars for a few felonies like: urinating in public places, breaking the traffic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
, littering on the roads and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on, seems a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
unnecessary. Dealing with this dilemma in a constructive method would be by making such citizens do unpaid work that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the society and at the same time would give them the insight on how they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
in the future.

For instance
, if someone
was caught
littering in a public place, such person should
be made
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
a cleanliness drive. While doing this job, the offender will realize how easy it is to throw away trash on the road,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
how difficult it is to clean up the mess.
Thus
, killing two birds with one stone. Adding to that, it is easier for someone to spend a night in prison
rather
than working without
being paid
for a few days.
Nevertheless
, it is the job of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the authority to take a call on this.

To sum up, as times are changing, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who commit crimes is
also
increasing at an alarming rate. The conventional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of putting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
behind bars is ineffective in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
cases.
Thus
, dealing with such situations
Consider replacing "in a creative style" with the adverb for "creative"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a creative style
is the answer to this issue.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Writing, reading and maths are the three recognized traditional subjects. Computer skill should also be the fourth largest branch. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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