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The graph below shows the percentage of people going to cinemas in one European country on different days Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant You should write at least 150 words v.1

The graph below shows the percentage of people going to cinemas in one European country on different days
All the students are not in the same situation. Everyone is different from each other. We will discuss about both the situations in the upcoming paragraphs. It is very true that learning in collections is better because while learning in groups it is very important to discover new ideas about the topic. If we start studying in clusters everyone will think about the solutions. For example, if we are talking about the subject mathematics, everyone is solving an exercise, then they can discuss with each other about the solution. When we start cramming in sets, it means the minds starts working in groups. Sometimes it is not suitable to study in groups because in every groups a person who is a non serious must be present. He/she will disturb everyone. Nobody can concentrate on study. For example, if we are studying on tuition and there are some non serious boys who are not taking care of the others, then it is very difficult for me to concentrate on study. On the other side, it is also said that self-study is better than the other. By doing this at home, he/she can concentrate by herself/himself. He/she will solve the examples and knows about the way how the problem has been solved. He/she will revise his/her suitable time. But if he/she fails to solve any question then he/she cannot go further. For Example, one day I was solving mathematical equations and I tried very hard, but I was unable to solve that equation. At that time, I thought someone must be here for my help. Finally, it is stated that self-study is better than study in groups.
All the students are not in the same situation.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Everyone
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. We will
Did you mean simply "discuss both"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about both
the situations in the upcoming paragraphs.

It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
true that learning in collections is better
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
while learning in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to discover new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
about the topic.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
studying in clusters
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everyone
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about the solutions. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, if we are talking about the subject mathematics,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everyone
is solving an exercise, then they can discuss with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
about the solution. When we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
cramming in sets, it means the minds
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
working in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
it is not suitable to study in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "group"?
groups
a person who is a
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
non serious
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be present.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
He/she
will disturb
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everyone
. Nobody can concentrate on study. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, if we are studying on tuition and there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
non serious
boys who are not taking care of the others, then it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult for me to concentrate on study.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
side, it is
also
said that self-study is better than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. By doing this at home,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
he/she
can concentrate by herself/himself.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
He/she
will solve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
examples
and knows about the way how the problem has
been solved
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
He/she
will revise his/her suitable time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
he/she
fails to solve any question then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
he/she
cannot go
further
. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Example
, one day I was solving mathematical equations and I tried
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I was unable to solve that equation. At that time, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
someone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be here for my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.

Finally
, it
is stated
that self-study is better than study in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The graph below shows the percentage of people going to cinemas in one European country on different days

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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