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We have three important parts of education reading writing and math some people think every child will benefit from a fourth skill added to the list computer skill Do you agree or disagree v.1

We have three important parts of education reading writing and math some people think every child will benefit from a fourth skill added to the list computer skill v. 1
It is well known that some countries have a population with more young people than old people. Even this fact could have both advantages and disadvantages, In my opinion the positive implications of having a youthful population over-weigh the negative ones. This essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages giving examples to support both points of view. On one hand, having younger people could lead to a lack of professionals in the society. Older people may be more educated than the younger one, this is being why they have had more time to study a professional career during their lives. For example, to become a specialist physician it is needed at least 10 years of university studies and this may not be able for a young adult yet. In addition, younger state has less life experience than older culture. People after their 50’s may have been through a lot in life and they may be more prepared to solve any day-life problem than younger people. This could help to form a less stressful society. Lastly, younger populations is likely to have higher rates of crime, this could be because young people have more energy to commit crime than old people. A study from the University of Chile showed that in the south of Chile, where the public is mostly young, the rate of robs and crimes where twice higher than in the north where most of the society were in their 50’s and older. On the other hand, youthful populations are in general more active and happier. This may be because they have less old age-associated illness leading them to work more and maintain them-self more active. Adding to the fact that healthy people can work more efficiently, with this they can contribute to the economy of the country, making money instead of spending. For instance, it is a fact that old societies spend a lot of money in health for their older citizens. Another positive aspect of having young adult populations is that there are more chances of having outstanding sport professionals. Young people have more time and more energy than older people to practice and become an excellent sport professional. In soccer most of the player retires from their soccer-career when they turn thirty years old. With old people there would be no time to start a sport career. And last but not least, young societies are more likely to have outdoor activities for the community. This could be because they are more proactive in organizing those activities and also more likely to participate in them. Older people may be too tired to go out. To conclude with the arguments given above, I firmly believe that the advantages of the youthful people community over-weigh the disadvantages. Even though, there are some positive aspects of having an older community that we should consider.
It is well known that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
with more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Even this fact could have both advantages and disadvantages, In my opinion the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
implications of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a youthful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
over-weigh the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
ones. This essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages giving examples to support both points of view.

On one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could lead to a lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may be more educated than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
one, this is being why they have had more time to study a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
career during their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
For example
, to become a specialist physician it
is needed
at least 10 years of university studies and this may not be able for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adult
yet
.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
state has less life experience than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
culture.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
after their
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "50s".
50’s
may have been through a lot in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
life and
they may be more prepared to solve any day-life problem than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to form a less stressful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
Lastly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
populations
is likely to have higher rates of crime, this could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more energy to commit crime than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. A study from the University of Chile
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that in the south of Chile, where the public is
mostly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
, the rate of robs and crimes where twice higher than in the north where most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
were in their
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "50s".
50’s
and older.

On the other hand
, youthful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
populations
are
in general
more active and happier. This may be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
age-associated illness leading them to work more and maintain them-self more active. Adding to the fact that healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can work more
efficiently
, with this they can contribute to the economy of the country, making money
instead
of spending.
For instance
, it is a fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money in health for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
citizens. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
populations
is that there are more chances of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
outstanding sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more time and more energy than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to practice and become an excellent sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
. In soccer most of the player retires from their soccer-career when they turn thirty years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
. With
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
there would be no time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a sport career. And last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
are more likely to have outdoor activities for the community. This could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are more proactive in organizing those activities and
also
more likely to participate in them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may be too tired to go out.

To conclude
with the arguments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
above, I
firmly
believe that the advantages of the youthful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
community over-weigh the disadvantages.
Even though
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
community that we should consider.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay We have three important parts of education reading writing and math some people think every child will benefit from a fourth skill added to the list computer skill v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
474 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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