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Write at least 250 words. In the past, most people lived in small villages where everyone knew everyone else. Nowadays, most people live in large cities where they only know a few people in their area. What do you think were the advantages and disadvantages v.3

In the past, most people lived in small villages where everyone knew everyone else. Nowadays, most people live in large cities where they only know a few people in their area. What do you think were the advantages and disadvantages v. 3
These days, as a result of outgrowing population, lots of small communities in the past have changed into bigger ones. these changes have led to differences in how people live today, particularly in big cities compared to those who lived in the past. In addition, living in small communities had their advantages and disadvantages. I believe there were two main benefits of living in a small community. Firstly, everyone could enjoy fresh air, better environment. they did not have to worry about pollution that could easily make them ill. While they were living in a fresh and clean environment, their average lifespan could be increased and more future generations in the community could learn from the experienced old. this would lead to preservation of community’s culture and knowledge about types of plants they should eat when they came into the jungle. For instance, a research done by Hong Kong University on small villages’ life in Asia in 2011 showed that four fifths of villages bears a strong resemblance among others. Secondly, everyone who lived in a small community would know each other; they became friends and paid some attention whether their neighbor was good or not, so that they knew the others well and could help someone if they were in trouble. however, there were some disadvantages for those who lived in small communities such as small villages, remote mountain villages. First of all, they could not be provided with social services and infrastructures known as hospital services, public transportation, etc. For instance, if someone was seriously ill, it would take their family members much time to come to the nearest hospital which was mainly located in cities. Therefore, proportion of death risk when someone got seriously ill was high. What is more, deficiency in social services, especially in education also affects their children. they could not go to school and learn new things from the outside. According to a project done by Ministry Of education of Vietnam in 2010, approximately 80% of children in small communities could not go to school because of lack of schools or far school from their villages. Second, people from small places could not trade their local products with businessmen outside because of their inadequate and poor transport infrastructure. this is why the government should support and fund to build roads for trading. In my view, living in a small community in the past had more disadvantages than advantages. they could not apply modern technology to better and enhance their life. however, having a good friendship in their community really helped each other when somebody got in trouble.
These days,
as a result
of outgrowing population, lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
in the past have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
into bigger ones.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
have led to differences in how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
particularly
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities compared to those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in the past.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
had their advantages and disadvantages.

I believe there were two main benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
.
Firstly
, everyone could enjoy fresh air, better environment.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
they
did not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
worry about pollution that could
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them ill. While they were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in a fresh and clean environment, their average lifespan could
be increased
and more future generations in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
could learn from the experienced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
would lead to preservation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community’s
culture and knowledge about types of plants they should eat when they came into the jungle.
For instance
, a research done by Hong Kong University on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
villages’
life in Asia in 2011
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that four fifths of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
villages
bears a strong resemblance among others.
Secondly
, everyone who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
would know each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
; they became friends and paid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
attention whether their neighbor was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or not,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they knew the others well and could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
someone if they were in trouble.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
however
, there were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages for those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
villages
, remote mountain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
villages
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, they could not
be provided
with social services and infrastructures known as hospital services, public transportation, etc.
For instance
, if someone was
seriously
ill, it would take their family members much time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to the nearest hospital which was
mainly
located in cities.
Therefore
, proportion of death
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
when someone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
seriously
ill was high.
What is more
, deficiency in social services,
especially
in education
also
affects their children.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
they
could not go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and learn new things from the outside. According to a project done by Ministry Of education of Vietnam in 2010, approximately 80% of children in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
could not go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
or far
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
villages
. Second,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
places could not trade their local products with businessmen outside
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their inadequate and poor transport infrastructure.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
is why the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should support and fund to build roads for trading.

In my view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
in the past had more disadvantages than advantages.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
they
could not apply modern technology to better and enhance their life.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
however
, having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
friendship in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
when somebody
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
in trouble.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay In the past, most people lived in small villages where everyone knew everyone else. Nowadays, most people live in large cities where they only know a few people in their area. What do you think were the advantages and disadvantages v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
434 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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