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In the past, most people lived in small villages where everyone knew everyone else. Nowadays, most people live in large cities where they only know a few people in their area. What do you think were the advantages and disadvantages of living in a small community? v.2

In the past, most people lived in small villages where everyone knew everyone else. Nowadays, most people live in large cities where they only know a few people in their area. What do you think were the advantages and disadvantages of living in a small community? v. 2
These days, living in small communities has more differences with living in huge cities. There are many reasons why people prefer to live in a village or in a city. Both of these ways of life have advantages and disadvantages. On the one hand, living in small communities has undeniable benefits. First of all, people in these places are friendlier and more helpful, therefore they always lend a hand to each other and support in difficult situations. As a consequence, making friendly relationships is easier than in big cities. Secondly, the environment in this these places usually better and unpolluted in comparison with industrial cities. People grow their own food, which is does not use pesticides and a their production of it is more eco-friendly. In addition, the a pace of lifestyle is slower and calm, so this helps to avoid stress, which can cause plenty of mental and physical diseases. On the other hand, there are some drawbacks in a village life. Big cities are able to provide people with everything they want, however whereas in small communities it’s impossible, can be they lack of facilities like theaters, cafes or sport centers. Moreover, in some of them, even hospitals and schools can be absent, since people have to get to it only by car. Young people in these areas have to leave their homes and go to a university or find a job with a competitive salary in big cities. Also, in villages, people sometimes do not have privacy life, because everything they do becomes known in a short period of time. In conclusion, I would say that the disadvantages of living in small communities outweigh the advantages because big cities are better developed and convenient for people’s lives. However, this situation can be changed by the government, if they make efforts to improve villages and small communities.
These days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
has more differences with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
village
or in a city. Both of these ways of life have advantages and disadvantages.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
has undeniable benefits.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in these places are friendlier and more helpful,
therefore
they always lend a hand to each other and support in difficult situations. As a consequence, making friendly relationships is easier than in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
Secondly
, the environment in this these places
usually
better and unpolluted
in comparison
with industrial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
grow their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
food, which is does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
pesticides and
A determiner cannot combine with a possessive pronoun. Did you mean simply "their production" or "a production"?
a their production
of it is more eco-friendly.
In addition
,
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "a" is left.
the a
pace of lifestyle is slower and calm,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to avoid
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, which can cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of mental and physical diseases.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
village
life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are able to provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with everything they want,
however
whereas in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
it’s impossible, can be they lack of facilities like theaters,
'cafes' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "cafés"
cafes
or sport centers.
Moreover
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them, even hospitals and schools can be absent, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by car. Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in these areas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their homes and go to a university or find a job with a competitive salary in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
Also
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
villages
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
do not have privacy life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
everything they do becomes known in a short period of time.

In conclusion
, I would say that the disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
outweigh the advantages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are better developed and convenient for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
However
, this situation can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
efforts to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
villages
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay In the past, most people lived in small villages where everyone knew everyone else. Nowadays, most people live in large cities where they only know a few people in their area. What do you think were the advantages and disadvantages of living in a small community? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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