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Write an essay discussing the pros and cons of smart phone. v.1

Write an essay discussing the pros and cons of smart phone. v. 1
In this day and age, the topic that the benefits and drawbacks of smart phones deserve consideration. One side of the discussion believes that smart phones had a lot of advantages for human in nowadays. It should first be pointed out that smartphones so convinced. One of the major reasons for buying smartphones is it can be instead for some other tools. For instant, when a smartphone connected to the internet, people can pay bills without cash, they also transfer money for someone without the ATM or check emails without computers. This point of view also supported because smartphones can help people keep in touch with their friends. For example, smartphones are always connected to the internet which allowed people contact with their friends stay far away from some free apps like Facebook, Viber and so on. Besides that, some function on smartphones can support for people’s life like the calendar function will remind you to not forget an important meeting with your clients. There is a different point of view which holds that smartphones also bring some disadvantages. I’m pretty sure that smartphones can be distracting. Notify from calls, messages, applications, always take concentration from people. When you attend to these notifications, you will find yourself attached to the phone. Moreover, smartphones will decrease social interaction of human. People try to show themselves and try to have a lot of friends on social network but, they can not starting conservation with strangers in a meeting. Anyway, cost of smartphones are a big issue. Phone repairs and maintenance can cost people a lot of money. Thus, it can be seen that both sides have points in their favour. In conclusion, i believe that any smartphones will has pros and cons, but how to promote strengths and overcome disadvantages of smartphones depend on the use of each person.
In this day and age, the topic that the benefits and drawbacks of smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
deserve consideration.

One side of the discussion believes that smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
advantages for human
nowadays is used without 'in'. Use simply: "nowadays".
in nowadays
. It should
first
be pointed
out that smartphones
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
convinced. One of the major reasons for buying smartphones is it can be
instead
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other tools. For instant, when a smartphone connected to the internet,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can pay bills without cash, they
also
transfer money for someone without the ATM or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
emails without computers. This point of view
also
supported
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
smartphones can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with their friends.
For example
, smartphones are always connected to the internet which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
contact with their friends stay far away from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
free apps like Facebook,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Viber
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Besides
that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
function on smartphones can support for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
life like the calendar function will remind you to not forget an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
meeting with your clients.

There is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
point of view which holds that smartphones
also
bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages. I’m pretty sure that smartphones can be distracting. Notify from calls, messages, applications, always take concentration from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. When you attend to these notifications, you will find yourself attached to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
.
Moreover
, smartphones will decrease social interaction of human.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
themselves and try to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
friends on social network
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, they can not
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "start"
starting
conservation with strangers in a meeting. Anyway, cost of smartphones are a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
issue.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Phone
repairs and maintenance can cost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money.
Thus
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that both sides have points in their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
.

In conclusion
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
believe that any smartphones will has pros and cons,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
how to promote strengths and overcome disadvantages of smartphones depend on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of each person.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Write an essay discussing the pros and cons of smart phone. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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