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In many countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures can be taken to solve them? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words. v.1

In many countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures can be taken to solve them? v. 1
That these days many people are suffering from the increasing trend of obesity and the decreasing level of well-being, fitness and exercise in their lives continues to be a perturbing issue. There might be a number of fundamental rationales existence of which causes these grave predicaments. However, some instrumental measures can be taken to tackle them. First and foremost, nowadays the main origin of increasing body weight could come from the excessive consumption of junk foods. Fast food restaurants spending a huge amount of their budget on promoting their fatty and mouth-watering foods on TVs and the internet, people will gorge on them. Therefore, every day a large population will be attracted by these tempting advertisements with no inkling of the detrimental consequences of these meals on their bodies, such as diabetes or cardiovascular diseases in the wake of being overweight. Furthermore, another factor creating the obesity could be the sedentary lifestyle of people. Those individuals the work and academic responsibilities of whom is burdensome do not have enough time to work out. And even when they find some me time, they would prefer to be a couch potato, and just watch a movie on TV; because they feel both mentally and physically so exhausted -after working their finger to the bone or hitting the books- to do any physical activity. Turning to possible solutions associated with food advertising via conventional media, imposing strict censorship on these advertisements seems quite beneficial. Actually should the government start to put a ban on pushing unwholesome, people, especially children, the main target of these ads, will not purchase unhealthy foods. Moreover, promoting health awareness among people could be efficacious as well. For example, if the government start to inform people about catastrophic consequences of junk foods and inactiveness not only will they be alerted, but it will also make them go for a better lifestyle which includes more wholesome diets and regular exercises to improve their health circumstances. To sum up, this is a problem that derives from both inactive lifestyle and tempting advertisements of social media, and the solutions will require government’s help in both aspects to stop the calamitous results.
That these days
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are suffering from the increasing trend of obesity and the decreasing level of well-being, fitness and exercise in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
continues to be a perturbing issue. There might be a number of fundamental
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "rationales'" or "rationale's"?
rationales
existence of which causes these grave predicaments.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
instrumental measures can
be taken
to tackle them.

First
and foremost, nowadays the main origin of increasing body weight could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from the excessive consumption of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
restaurants spending a huge amount of their budget on promoting their fatty and mouth-watering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
on TVs and the internet,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will gorge on them.
Therefore
, every day a large population will
be attracted
by these tempting advertisements with no inkling of the detrimental consequences of these meals on their bodies, such as diabetes or cardiovascular diseases in the wake of being overweight.
Furthermore
, another factor creating the obesity could be the sedentary lifestyle of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Those individuals the work and academic responsibilities of whom is burdensome do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to work out. And even when they find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
me time, they would prefer to be a couch potato, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
a movie on TV;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they feel both mentally and
physically
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
exhausted -after working their finger to the bone or hitting the books- to do any physical activity.

Turning to possible solutions associated with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
advertising via conventional media, imposing strict censorship on these advertisements seems quite beneficial. Actually should the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to put a ban on pushing unwholesome,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
children, the main target of these ads, will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
.
Moreover
, promoting health awareness among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could be efficacious
as well
.
For example
, if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to inform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about catastrophic consequences of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
inactiveness
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
will they
be alerted
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them go for a better lifestyle which includes more wholesome diets and regular exercises to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their health circumstances.

To sum up, this is a problem that derives from both inactive lifestyle and tempting advertisements of social media, and the solutions will require
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in both aspects to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the calamitous results.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
You live a new life for every new language you speak. If you know only one language, you live only once.
Czech Proverb

IELTS essay In many countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures can be taken to solve them? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
359 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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