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In films and computer games violence has become more popular. Some people think this has negative effects on society, other think it is harmless relaxation. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion. v.1

In films and computer games violence has become more popular. Some people think this has negative effects on society, other think it is harmless relaxation. v. 1
Pupils can accomplish more in school if they are praised rather than reprimanded. In my opinion, I strongly agree with rewarding students because this can motivate them. Firstly, this essay will discuss the advantages in recognising student achievement and secondly, how a reward system can affect student learning. On the one hand, praising students and recognising their achievements, whether to the class or whole school can install enthusiasm and motivation in the student to progress further. The students may push themselves, to do more and achieve higher because they know that it brings rewards, either in the form of praise from a teacher or in other rewards, like school visits. For instance, The Department of Education in the UK in 2017 reported that 98% of public school teachers often used reward systems to motivate their students in the class. On the other hand, having a reward system in place can bring about competition between students, to get higher grades than their peers. This can motivate learners to study more and participate in class, in order to get whatever reward is on offer. If the student can gain an accolade for their project or from participating in school activities, they are more likely to work harder. For instance, a school in Sheffield in the UK offered a reward to a group of students who participated in the 2017 international science fair, promising a visit from a well-known speaker for their next lecture if they won first prize. In my opinion, I strongly believe that rewarding students is far better than punishing them. This is a very effective tool in gaining the trust of the students and motivating them to learn. They are more likely to be an active member of the class when they know a reward is possible. For example, in my own experience, a school teacher I had used chocolate and candy rewards in class, during activities that required whole class participation. This greatly excited the students as they all wanted a treat to enjoy in class. In conclusion, learning should be fun and punishments can be demotivating at times, this can scar a student for a long time. Schools should definitely introduce praise and reward giving in exchange for increased student participation and motivation.
Pupils can accomplish more in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
if they
are praised
rather
than reprimanded. In my opinion, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with rewarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this can motivate them.
Firstly
, this essay will discuss the advantages in
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognising' is British English.
recognising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
achievement and
secondly
, how a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reward
system can affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
learning.

On the one hand, praising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognising' is British English.
recognising
their achievements, whether to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
or whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
can install enthusiasm and motivation in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to progress
further
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
may push themselves, to do more and achieve higher
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they know that it brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rewards
, either in the form of praise from a teacher or in other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rewards
, like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
visits.
For instance
, The Department of Education in the UK in 2017 reported that 98% of public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
teachers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reward
systems to motivate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.

On the other hand
, having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reward
system in place can bring about competition between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
higher grades than their peers. This can motivate learners to study more and participate in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
whatever
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reward
is on offer. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
can gain an accolade for their project or from participating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
activities, they are more likely to work harder.
For instance
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
in Sheffield in the UK offered a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reward
to a group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who participated in the 2017 international science
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
, promising a visit from a well-known speaker for their
next
lecture if they won
first
prize.

In my opinion, I
strongly
believe that rewarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
is far better than punishing them. This is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
effective tool in gaining the trust of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and motivating them to learn. They are more likely to be an active member of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
when they know a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reward
is possible.
For example
, in my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
teacher I had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
chocolate and candy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rewards
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, during activities that required whole
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
participation. This
greatly
excited the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
as they all wanted a treat to enjoy in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.

In conclusion
, learning should be fun and punishments can be demotivating at times, this can scar a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
for a long time.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Schools
should definitely introduce praise and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reward
giving in exchange for increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
participation and motivation.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In films and computer games violence has become more popular. Some people think this has negative effects on society, other think it is harmless relaxation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
376 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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